My new favorite word

magniloquent \mag-NIL-uh-kwent\, adjective: Lofty or grandiose in speech or expression; using a high-flown style of discourse; bombastic.

I love this word. Magniloquent. I mean, it's a combination that brings such pleasure to my tongue. Just say it....magniloquent. One slight problem though. I can't really think of a good way to put it in a sentence. We all know that in order to be able to lay claim to a word, you should definitely be able to use it in a sentence. So, I finally decided this would be it: Branshine's speech was magniloquent.

Undirected(<---it's a word, I looked it up) thoughts for the day:
This hangnail is pissing me off.
I better not be the newly elected concession stand lady.
I have a blister on the back of my ankle.
I wonder if that guy noticed that I've gone pee 3 times since he's been standing there.
Why did (man that works here) stop me to tell me how nice my hair looked yesterday before I went to lunch and stepped into the tornado-like winds? And how come he didn't say my hair looked nice today?
Why the HELL isn't my printer working?
What's that smell? Smells like updog (hee hee...)
Why does my mom insist on sending me chain emails on a daily basis?
Why doesn't she look to see who sent her the emails in the first place instead of sending everything I send to her back to me again (not the chain emails though, I don't send that crap).
Why am I sitting here twirling my hair when I actually have a shitload of stuff to do?

Courage or Stupidity?

I can't stop thinking about what it would be like.
I need a change, a different place, with different people and different things. A new situation and a new job.
I just don't know if I'm brave enough right now.
Or would it be more correct to say "stupid enough".
Do I have a good thing going here right now? Should I wait it out?
The natives are getting restless.
I just can't decide what the best thing is for me. I've never been known to be the decisive one.
Should I stay or should I go?
Do I pack up my things and go blindly into the future?
Or do I stick it out and be "responsible" for a while longer? Until I know I'll be secure on my feet?
What is secure on your feet anyway?
Throw caution to the wind or keep myself planted firmly on the ground?
I just can't decide.
Part of me says "Fuck it", just go. Just do it and enjoy the adventure.
The other part of me says "Not yet, you need to make sure everything will work out."
The thing is, things never really go as planned anyway.
I have always felt things come out better as a result of spontaneity.
This is the back in forth in my head.
The problem is, while I'm having a self-argument, life is passing me by.
Which fork do I take?

Imagine my dismay

I saw something on Good Morning America this morning and thought "Eh, I'll check it out." Totally lame but I'm bored, so that makes it ok. I took this test and you answer a bunch of questions and it tells you what kind of dog you are. So, I bet you're wondering what I am. Aren't cha aren't cha!?!!?

Here's me:


Nice huh? Now, no offense to you Pug lovers out there but they're kinda gross. Yeah, they're a little cute, but they also snort and breathe really loudly. Not really how I pictured myself but hey, the Internet knows best right? Apparently, here's why I'm a pug.

Personality
Charming, intelligent and tolerant, this dog makes an ideal domestic family member, although it isn't easy to house train.

Well, that is true...I'm having a hard time with the whole "toilet training" thing. So, does that mean that someday I'll make a lovely "pregnant and barefoot in the kitchen" wife? Damn, I hope not. What kind of dog are you?

It's nudie magazine day! It's nudie magazine day!

I checked my email this morning and I don't know how all this crap is getting into my inbox through my junk filter, but here's what I found:

From : Barry John Iwu
Sent : Wednesday, March 30, 2005 5:22 AM
To : barriwu@latinmail.com
Subject : FOR YOUR INHERITANCE.

Commonwealth BankDocumentary Credit,
Level2, Commonwealth Plaza 2,
Victoria Island, Lagos.
E-mail Service: barriwu@latinmail.com
Telex: 888401.
(cut some stuff out)
I Am Dr.Barry John Iwu A Senior Staff With The Commonwealth Bank I and the chief security officer (Cso) of our bank have arranged with an officerin computer section engineer chuka iloh (who??)to bring out part of your inheritancetotal sum amounting to Five Million United States Dollar. Why we did this isbecause according to information gathered from our ordering customer ShallDevelopment Corporation and the bank’s computer, you have been waiting for along time to receive your money without success(I have??). As I found out that you havealmost met all the statutory requirements of the bank in respect of yourinheritance payment(News to me). Your problem is that of interest groups. A lot of peopleare interested in your payment and those people are merely doing paper workswith you and that explains why you receive fax and phone messages fromdifferent people in Nigeria everyday(Strange, haven't talked to anyone from Nigeria lately). We haveconcluded that you must compensate us with Five Hundred Thousand United StatesDollars as soon as you receive your money. To this effect, you will send us apromissory note for Five Hundred Thousand United States Dollar along with your address for sending the boxes by courier(interesting...so I send you this money first?). Please maintain topmost secrecy asit may cause a lot of problems if found out hat we are using this way to helpyou(oh, ok. I won't tell). Do not ever tell anybody about this until you have your money. I want tohelp you because something in me is telling me hat you are an honest person(at least one of us is).When you conclude this and you send our promise, we will help to ship the finalpart of your money to you.God be with us as we wait for your reply.

Yours faithfully,
Dr. Barry John Iwu.
Commonwealth Bank

Now, I know that we all know this a hoax...but I just started thinking about it and I was like "Does anyone ever actually do this?" I'm sure there are those people who fall for the scams here and there, but this one is asking for FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS. What am I, new? If I had five hundred thousand dollars just laying around...do you think I'd need the five million? I'd probably have that much and more if I had five hundred thousand to spare. I guess I don't understand anyone who would fall for something like this. If I had been trying to get an inheritance and had almost gotten them everything they needed...wouldn't I know about some kind of inheritance then? I mean, it wouldn't come as total shock and surprise to me. Oh yeah, and shhh, don't tell anyone until you get the money. Oh, never then?

On a completely unrelated note....I don't know why I had so many drinks last night, I can't remember. There was no reason for a Tuesday night drinking binge...yet, I indulged to my little heart's content. Yep, drank myself some tequila shots (and the other half of other's shots who didn't finish them). I can't understand what I was thinking. Luckily, I made it home by 11pm. Woke up around 2 thinking "I'm most likely going to throw up right now." Got up, dry heaved for a few minutes, realized I could maybe hold it in (not a good idea), went to get a big tall glass of water and went back to bed. With the way I feel today, I wish to God I had just thrown up last night. I hear if you take milk thistle before you go to sleep when you've been drinking, you won't have a hangover. Totally gonna try that next time.

Something just flew up my nose

I have no idea what it was...some weird little slimy bug of some type. Gives me the willies. Ick. So, what was the first thing I did? I blew hard out my nose (well, not THAT hard) and that black bug-thing flew out and down my shirt, into my bra. So, then of course I had to go in and get it. Then you run the risk of crushing the bug inside your bra and that's just gross...who wants a smashed bug inside their bra? So, I rescue it and it just flies off, no worries. Little did he know he was thisclose to death.

Speaking of stuff inside your bras...please tell me who else has this problem. Everytime I go to the movies and eat popcorn I drop popcorn down my shirt and into my bra. Actually, it seems like stuff falls into my bra quite often. Then, wherever you are you have to reach in and get it out. People always look at me like I'm crazy as I'm reaching into my shirt. Anyone else have that problem? TG...I've seen your photo...does this happen to you;)?

Ooh, and speaking of photos (I just thought of this because my friend's brother just got some pictures developed) does anyone else have that disease where as soon as someone depresses the button on a camera, you instantly make the most repulsive face imaginable? It happens to me ALL the time. I think I panic at the last second and start to think..."Does this smile look ok or should I do this...." and then bam! permanent record of the sickest face you can make. This happened the other night and of course, you always want to be in possession of the picture that you ruined with your best "Mask" imitation, so I wanted to take the picture (polaroid). One of the guys says "You can't take the picture just because you think you look bad in it." Why not?! Is that a rule? I've never heard it before.

Speaking of rules.... um, I rule:) Sorry, it's all I could think of pertaining to rules at this precise moment.

Dust in the wind

Yeah, I used a song title. That's what I've got today though, although it's more like dirt in the wind. This city gets so nasty windy that going outside is torture. All the dirt from our plentiful desert blows all up and around so that the sky turns a nice shade of brown. Don't put on lipstick, lipgloss, or chapstick (for the guys) because not only does your hair end up stuck to your lips, but you end up with a mini-oasis on your face. It's disgusting. You're eating dirt, you've got dirt in your eyes, there's dirt in your hair and on your clothes. Damn the wind and the dirt.

One year while I was going to college, we had a horrible wind/dust storm. Knocked out power everywhere. My friend and I had gotten out of class and were walking up "Cardiac Hill" (one of the hills at UTEP to a parking lot) to get to my car. The wind and dirt were so bad that it felt like your skin was being sandblasted off. We seriously were almost blown over. Some random guy stops and asks us if we need a ride. Uh, yeah, don't even care if you're a rapist/murderer. We'll get in your car stranger. Luckily, he was just a good samaritan. He dropped us off at my car. I still had my good 'ol faded red Chevy Sprint and the weather stripping was gone from the windows. We get in my car and there's about a 3 inch layer of dirt all throughout my car. No kidding. It sucked. Not to mention we almost blew away on the freeway. Ah, those were the days. Freakin wind!

Dear Wind,

Stop it.

Love,
KelBel

My so-called love life

Since I get to hear about everyone's dating woes and dating woohoos...I thought you guys might want to hear about (the torture)what is my love life. I know I've hinted here and there about this and that, and that's only because I didn't know if could summarize this situation in less than a Stephen King length novel. I'll attempt to do it and try to keep it to a decent length.

Part I
I met "JJ" in 1998. I had gone to high school with him but we didn't really know each other. He was a senior when I was a sophomore, so we didn't really "run in the same circles". I had always known who he was and always thought he was a hottie. So, in 1998, while attending college here in EP he ends up in my public speaking class. He had been in the Air Force for 4 years and ended up back in EP. SO, first day of class we have to do a short little speech about ourselves, where we're from, the whole shebang. He hears me say what high school I went to and I guess that makes a connection in his head. He caught up with me after class and we started to talk. We'd talk in class here and there and became "school friends".

One day, we're in class (and it was pretty laid back b/c it was speech and our professor was super cool) and we start talking about drinking. My clever plan, get him to invite me out, right? Yep. So I say I can drink him under the table. Bang...I get a "we're (he and his brother and a friend) going out tomorrow night, you wanna prove it?" Of course, that was the whole point. Score.

Mind you, at this time I had a boyfriend. This boyfriend was an idiot who had cheated on me countless times and I kept overlooking it because....well because nothing better had come along...until now of course.

So, I'm at home the next night, waiting for him to call OF COURSE. And surprisingly he does. So, he picks me up and I meet his brother and friend and we go out to this bar in Juarez. They have yards o'beer. We drink many yards o'beer. He's totally cool, and as hot as I remembered. Instant clickage. Too bad for me, what I thought was a "friendly" connection was only a friend connection. Damn, so that's better than nothing right? Uh, no. Not when you're the girl that's totally in love with him and he thinks you're his female buddy.

In the meantime, I had broken up with my boyfriend because he was lame and I was more interested in JJ, even if we were only friends.

Part II
So, we were close. We were together ALL the time. We had a blast. And then he started dating this girl that I couldn't stand. And it wasn't just because she was dating him. I hadn't really liked her before. So, she's all weird and freaky and after a few months he finally realizes it. Whew! All the while I'm there for him, listening to his crap about her and dating and blah blah blah. Well, I got him into music. I mean, really listening to music and going to see live shows. We got even closer. I took him to Austin with me to visit my friend and go see live music. He says while we were at the show and he was watching me dancing to the music, eyes closed, is when he fell in love with me.

He subtly insisted on sleeping by me that trip. The last night we were there, and were on the verge of sleep, he grabbed my hand. My heart did that drop thing and then he kissed me. I was so excited but also freaked out a little. I didn't know what it meant or anything. We didn't talk about it that whole day or the drive home from Austin. Then when we got back we talked. His idea: friends with benefits. My thoughts, better than nothing right? Wrong.

So, we proceeded to that step in our "relationship". Then he met this girl who was a total bitch and he started dating her. I was furious...although did I have the right? I thought no, because I knew what we were doing and it wasn't a boyfriend/girlfriend type thing. So, I had to bite my tongue and stay away from him. Of course, our "benefits" stopped right there. It was kind of unspoken that it couldn't continue. I felt like shit and like an ass. So, after a few weeks with the bitch he realized that he didn't like her. All the while, everyone he knew had told him that what he was looking for was right in front of him (me of course). I wanted to scream in his face too...HELLO!

Part III
So, eventually he thought that everyone might be right. He asked me on an official date. Me, ecstatic of course, despite all the shit I had already been through. So, we go out and it's a little awkward because we're supposed to act like we're more than friends (ie boyfriend/girlfriend stuff). We both realize that we do want to be together, so what's the first thing we do? We move in together. What in the hell were we thinking?? We get an apartment and end up in this weird relationship and neither one of us knows exactly how to act. So we end up being polite and giving each other a kiss before we leave, etc. Stuff we think couples are supposed to do. I look back and it all seems so stupid. I mean, we loved each other but we didn't know how to act.

He got this offer to work in a bar (with all females) and of course he jumps on it. Me, I'm pretty distressed about the whole thing. We were going to move to Las Cruces, which is about 30 minutes away from here, because he wanted to finish school there. We ended up breaking up b/c he was too interested in getting attention from other girls. Nice. So, I cried and sat in our one bedroom apartment in the dark like a loser...all the while both of us kinda avoiding each other. Then, we had tickets to this concert that we had been looking forward to going to and the day of the show came.

Part IV
We went to the concert and he "fell in love with me all over again". I didn't know what it was about him and me and concerts, but I was so happy that I didn't care. Idiot. So, we moved to Las Cruces as planned and I lived with him and his brother and a friend of ours (another guy). We stayed in one apartment for a year and then our friend moved and we found a duplex that was pretty cool. Problem was, JJ was getting depressed. He was falling into a dark hole and I didn't know what to do. So I told him to do whatever it was he needed to do to get back to being him and being happy. For him, that was leaving and moving to California since his mom lived there. Yep, he left me high and dry, new lease, all the furniture, everything. So, not only was I devastated, but I had to deal with breaking a lease, moving all the furniture and finding somewhere to put it, and finding somewhere to live. Well, my parents told me to come stay with them and I decided that was better. All my friends were here and I had a support system.

Part V
SO, I stayed in El Paso. I tried to call JJ but he refused to talk to me. Out of embarrassment, or shame, or pain, or all of the above, I don't know. So I wrote him a nasty letter about how big of a coward he was and how running away doesn't solve anything. He was running from me and I knew it. He writes back and talks about his abandonment issues and depression and whatever. He also tells me he doesn't think we should talk until April (this is in January). Um, so in April it would be "all better". Ha. I was pissed but still in love and heartbroken. Then one day he calls me at work out of the blue. We talked and things seemed better with him. I should have been pissed. I should have hung up on him. Nope, my idiocy kicks in. I was determined for him not to know how hurt I had been or how sad the time away had been either. He gets my email address. We talk back and forth, here and there. Call every once in a while. Then, he wants me to come visit, hang out in Cali for a few days. Go see a concert (yeah, can you hear the death knell?) I had been working out to ease the pain, so I looked better than ever. I go to California and instantly everything, the attraction, all of it affects us. I leave there with the knowledge that I'll be moving there soon (this was May). We talk constantly and visit each other every so often. My friends and family are leery b/c they know what he's done before. I think it's different now. He's different. I move to California in December of 2001.

Part VI
Everything is spectacular...oh, except did I mention we lived w/his mom? Yep. Now, she's not a mom in the traditional sense. She was more like a buddy...a crazy buddy that had Manic Depression. Oh yeah baby. Fun times. So, things were actually really good, except when his mom would get into "freak-out mode". Then we'd suffer a bit. This went on the entire time I lived there. We went through quite a bit of crap and in the end, he broke up with me again. Just wasn't meant to be. He knew it was his last shot with me and that made it harder, but we just weren't supposed to happen. Me, devastated again, in another state away from everyone I know. Now I'm depressed. I go home to visit and they're telling me to move back. If I moved back, I'd feel like an idiot and everyone could say "I told you so" (even though I knew they wouldn't). I ended up staying in California, and living with them, and sharing a room with him, for 6 months after we broke up. I couldn't break the lease....after all that, I would have felt bad leaving them w/my share of the rent. Couldn't find a roommate and a place I could afford. In the end, I moved back to EP. That was in August 2003.

Part VII
We were both sad when I was gone. Now what? We still talked, and visited each other, and got "benefits". We did that for almost a year and then I finally thought "What the hell??" What am I doing. The last time I visited him (In August 2004) I knew that was it for me. I was done. Things were a little weird after that. We talked less and emailed less. Then he visited at Thanksgiving. It was weird. I didn't have that same longing for him and he felt it. He freaked because he didn't feel the same. I told him I was done, I couldn't do it anymore. I told him about all the shit he put me through and how I wasted too much time and too many tears on him. Now he wants to marry me. He won't give up. It actually really seems like he has changed. In the past, he would freak when anyone mentioned marriage (I NEVER pressured or even talked about it). He would go from "I want to get married and have kids" to "I never want to get married or have kids". I never knew what to think. NOW, he wants to marry me and have kids. He can see our wedding, he can envision what our kids will be like. He's being so sappy and so "girly" for lack of a better word. I can't say "How are you" without him wondering what I mean by that. Me, I'm thinking "Hey, pussyboy....grow some balls." Ok, so that's effed up but really, why now? Is it because I'm finally happy with myself and my life? Is it because I'm strong and independent now and that's what he wanted me to be all along? Well, now I'm stuck. I don't know if I want him anymore, but will I be sorry if I say it's over? What if I realize I do want him, but just not right now? So many questions in my head and after this long, drawn out history, what the hell am I going to do??

Surprisingly, I've left a lot of stuff out. Like how crappy he'd be sometimes and how shitty and small he made me feel, but I made it as short as possible. Sorry for the novella, but there it is. That's my love life for the past 7 years. I think if I found someone right now, I'd go for it. Did I just answer my own questions?

Grumpy Gramps and the lady next door

So, Easter Sunday turned out to be quite interesting for me. Not interesting, like "cool" interesting. Not interesting like "neat" interesting. More interesting like "annoying and weird" interesting.

See, my grandfather is 95 years old. I guess when you get to be that age you have a right to be a grouch. Problem is, when he's a grouch to people in public, it's kinda embarrassing. I know, I know, he's my grandfather and he's probably earned it. See, he goes to this same restaurant EVERY DAY. He eats the exact same meal EVERY DAY. So where do we go on special occasions? You guessed it, SAME PLACE. He likes it because it's cafeteria style, so he doesn't have to wait and he can pick whatever he wants. Fine. I mean, it's not that great and definitely not my choice for a meal, but I go to spend time and eat with them.

The thing is, recently the restaurant has changed it's "format" so to speak. So now, the wait staff actually kinda waits on you. Apparently their pay was cut and so they need to make tips. I can sympathize, I was a waitress/bartender for almost 10 years. This pisses my grandfather off. So the waitress comes up to us when we first sat down, he tells her to go away. If he wants a refill, he'll get up and get it himself. God forbid one of us should ask them for something, he tells us "Don't encourage them!" Then, if they try to take anyone's plate when they're through, he yells at them. "Don't bother us!" So naturally, I feel bad. Yesterday, one of the waitresses comes up and unfortunately for her, thinks he's done eating (guess she's new) and he smacks her hand and tells her to "Get away from our table! We don't want you coming around here! Wait until we're gone!" Man, if I would have been that waitress, I probably would have run away crying, poor thing. Is this how we become when we get old?? Oh, and folks, he still drives. Yessiree bob!

So we get back to my parent's house from the lunch from hell (as all the while my sister is yelling at my nephew because he's hyper) and there is a woman and her little boy sitting outside the house next door and both of them are crying. Puzzling. The people next door just moved in and are renting the house. So my sister goes out there and these people only speak Spanish. She talked to them (I was on the phone so I don't exactly know what was going on) and offered the use of our phone. SO, the lady calls some people and gets nothing. She tells my mom, in Spanish, "If anyone calls back, don't tell them anything." Umm, what? Ok. So this lady calls back and says that someone called her from our #, blah blah blah. My mom says that someone came to the door and used our phone. Whatever.

So then, like an hour later, they come knocking on our door again. They've probably been outside for at least 5 hours by this time. So, I answer the door and the lady wants to use our phone again. Fine, she makes some calls, nothing. They leave and then come right back a knockin'. I answered the door again. She asks if we have cookies for her son. I get em some cookies because at this point, what I'm thinkin' is going on is that her cousin lives next door. They were supposed to go visit. They were dropped off there and the cousin wasn't home. They'd been waiting outside for her all day.

So, I ask if they want something to drink or whatever. She says no. So I ask her (as the original story was relayed from my sister) if they're stuck outside.

"Oh no" she says "I have keys." (in spanish).

Uh, what? If you have keys, why have you been outside all day?? And why are you asking me for cookies?? And why are you prank calling people on our phone?

So I asked her what was going on and she proceeds to tell me that her cousin does live next door and has been there for about 8 days. Her cousin went "somewhere" on Saturday and hadn't come back yet. She was worried and had been waiting for her all this time.

So, the person she had been calling and hanging up on calls again, pissed, because she says again someone is calling from our # and hanging up. My mom says the same thing and the lady on the other end says "Well, you better watch out who you let use your phone."

So, my mom and I decided that this lady next door was prank calling her lover, who is married, and his wife keeps calling back. She's been having an affair w/a married guy who set her up in this house next door to us. He hasn't come around in a few days and now she's worried that maybe he changed his mind about her. Maybe he hasn't paid any bills yet and so she has no electricity or water or phone or anything. And no food. Hey, we were bored. What can I say?

Happy Easter

Just a little note to everyone to say Happy Easter. Hope yours is a good one:)

4 Blind Meeces

I volunteered to house-sit for my friend this weekend. She has a nice house and 2 sweet little doggies. No problem. It's a pretty nice set up so I don't mind. Now, I show up last night and there's a car occupying space in the driveway. I'm puzzled. Turns out, it's her mother's friend. Her mother's "a-little-nutty-friend". My friend had given her a key so that while I was at work on Thursday and Friday, she could let the dogs out during the day. It was too late to back out now. She already saw me.

She's a little stumbly makin' her way to the door (when I could have easily opened the door with MY key).

Her: Oh hi Lori.
Um...KelBel, but whatever.
Her: You're staying here right?"
Me: Yes. And....you"
Her: Oh, I got into a fight with (insert husband's name).
Me: Oh, ok.
Her: (Insert my friend's name here) didn't tell me I could stay here, but I thought since no one was here I'd have a few beers.
Me: Uh, ok.
Her: You're not going out tonight.
Me: No (thanks for making me feel like a loser).
Her: You don't mind if I finish my six pack do you? I don't want to go home yet.
Me: Oh...well no, that's fine.

Well, I checked out her bag of cans she was going to take home so as not to leave trash here (?) and there was at least a 12 pack in there. She stayed and finished her "6 pack" and helped me finish mine too. All the while complaining about how gross she thought my Corona's were. She had me cornered and telling me her life story and crying and then trying to set me up with her son, whom I've known since kindergarten. I mean, no offense, but if I had ever wanted to hook up with him, I would have done it by now. Not such a catch, that one. She kept repeating how overweight he was, was that supposed to make me more interested?

Well, so then she moves on from him to his friend. His friend who is really nice until he starts drinking. He drinks and gets obnoxious, agressive, and just plain nasty. Never met the guy but she spoke so highly of him. Then she tells me she wants me to meet the friend. But not at night, during the day when he hasn't been drinking. Uh, excuse me... and HOW is this supposed to be appealing to me?

So, she finally left around midnight. Yeah, midnight. That was enough for me.

Woke up this morning and went in to feed the dogs. I hear somethin' a-rustlin'. I stood there for a second and I see this mouse scurry from one side of the hall to the other. Great. But, I still hear the rustling. So, I get the broom (of course, what else would I use) and I hit the bad of dog food. More rustling. One of the dogs comes in (a Lhasa Apso, so cute) and he's just looking at the bag. All of a sudden, another mouse jumps out of the bag and plops into the dog food bowl. The dog tries to get it, but no such luck.

So, I'm thinking, well at least I can put the food in the bowl now. More rustling. Damn, another one? So, I proceed to hit the bag with the broom. Rustle rustle. Hit. Rustle rustle. Plop, into the bowl. Dog chases it, loses it under the washer.

Ok, NOW I can feed the dogs. I pick up the bag of food and go to pour it, another mouse plops out. Dog is chasing it. Mouse is running frantically, right at my bare feet. I'm screaming just like you'd see on any cartoon (although I don't really think they're scary or anything...gut reaction I guess?) and jumping up and down. Dog is still chasing it and I dropped the bag. Spilled damn dog food everywhere. Damn. I finally got it cleaned up and I took off.

I call my friend and she says "Oh yeah, I know. I put down traps."
Uh, how bout letting me know before I freak out at the strange noises in the house when I'm supposed to be alone??

So far, my weekend is off to a brilliant start!!

Put on your party pants

So, while everyone is on the subject of the people who inhabit bloggerland I guess I can fess up to the dream I had last night. I guess it's all the talk about a blogger's ball or something where we all end up meeting and having a huge blow-out bash. Or maybe this is a sign that I'm in bloggerland too much?(I don't want the latter to be correct). So, as a result, my subconscious conjured up this blogger's ball.

Time: Sometime in the evening 'til who knows when
Place: Some bar somewhere
Attendees: All the locals...Bran, TG, Martini, Jasika, Blue, Leroy, Denny, Waldemar, Sam, Stoli, Lunatic and many others whom I don't know that well yet . Auntie Em, you were there too.

It was like one of those dream sequences in a movie...where you know it's a dream*. It's kinda smoky and surreal.

I remember walking in and Bran was there greeting everyone at the door. The perfect hostess. "Welcome to the blogger's ball, leave your sobriety at the door."

Martini was walking around with a martini (of course) telling me "Oh man, kelbel, you've gotta try this shiznit. It's the bomb-diggity" (as we all know that after she's had a few she gets all gangsta in this biznitch).

TG was throwing back a few and she had Cool Kid with her (probably b/c that was what you were protesting yesterday when people were buggin about happy hour.) Her boss That Should Wear Prada was getting her drinks upon request.

Jasika was drinkin' some Merlot, sans stained lips and teeth. Her hair was perfectly unfrizzed and she was smokin'. Turnin' heads.

Blue was at the bar, talking to some 50 year old woman, desperately trying to get away to talk to this cutie who was givin' him the eye from across the bar.

Leroy had a crowd surrounding him and he had 'em in an uproar. Laughing and laughing at his wit.

Denny was telling everyone about how his CD collection was outnumbered by his DVD collection;) Kidding...he was chatting about world events with a 6 ft, blue eyed, blonde female who was more interested in taking him home (how'd I do?)

Waldemar was there with who I can only assume was his little brother...annoying the crap out of him, following him around and serenading him. Everyone was getting a kick out of it.

Sam was there, all mormon-ed out:) He was busy taking shots of Wild Turkey.

Stoli was there...stoli and all, and she was accompanied by a band of celebrities, all surprisingly being ignored, as stoli outshined them all.

Last but not least, Lunatic was there with a harem of girls. All of which saw right through him but were still in line to get a piece.

We had a blast, danced, drank, drank some more and just hung out. Best blogger's ball ever!

Strangely enough though, I saw no faces. It was just a bunch of faceless people, but I knew who you were.

*Now, maybe I embellished a bit on the dream...but most of it is right on.

I have decided to stand my ground!

Our top story:
That's right kids, music (for now) is here to stay. In celebration of this event and FRIDAY(and I had a really REALLY hard time deciding on today's choice), here's today's jam out music. I'm working on getting the controls on there so you guys can do with it what you please:) Enjoy and thanks to those of you who supported me!

In other news:
I'm Blog of the Day at My Anything But Normal Life(who by the way is playing some pretty sweet music too!)!!!! Thank you Denny, thank you thank you thank you. Was it my telepathy that made you do it? Just yesterday I was thinking how I hadn't been BOD or if I had, I missed it. Thanks Denny...you're the shizzzznit!

Let's just say that so far, Friday rocks! Music makes me happy, BOD makes me happy, and no boss today makes me happy! That's right kiddies, while the boss is away the (insert various job titles here) will play!

And finally:
Sad news from the fast food industry. I'm sure you've all heard the story about a lady that found a finger in her chili from Wendy's. WTF? The question is...will we all continue to eat at Wendy's after this? Well....OF COURSE! I mean, THIS IS WENDY'S WE'RE TALKING ABOUT. How could we not? I never eat chili anyway. That's what she gets. I say, when your order your JBH (or whatever your poison is...no pun intended) do a quick once over to make sure the employees still have all their digits;)

Tune in later for any updates! Thanks for reading!

Karaoke for the Deaf

Have you guys seen this? Hilarious!

Say goodbye

Well everyone, this is it. It's done. The end. Say adios, au revoir, arrivederci, vaarwel, auf wiedersehen, adieu. I can't do it anymore....

It's time to be rid of the music videos on my site. I read a post today and, whether or not he was talking about my site (don't know), it made me think that just because my music is awesome, doesn't mean everyone wants to hear it. Plus, all the people that commented on the post agreed that they didn't like people shoving their own music into other people's faces. I agree...if I don't like the music, I don't want to be forced to hear it either. SO, this is the final day. Enjoy it. And we end it with John Mayer. It was fun while it lasted:)

I figure there's two types of people in this world...the kind that wipe off the lip of a soda can and those that don't. What kind of person are you?

KelBel of all trades

So apparently I need new business cards. You see, it seems as though everyday my job responsibilities are being fattened up. I just hope that they don't get so big that they (or I) explode. To date, here are my job titles:
Marketing Administrator
Media Buyer
Graphic Artist
Advertising Executive
IT Manager
Web Designer
My boss' personal secretary

Yesterday I was informed that I am also Client Relations Manager. I will have someone working under me. Now, that would be cool if this girl wasn't evil personified. Her job is basically data entry...now, I wouldn't be super happy all the time either, but I wouldn't be beelzebub. You can feel the icy stare boring into the back of your head. One day I made the mistake of asking her to get off her ass, stand up, move 3 centimeters to the right, turn the door knob, and pull (I know, sounds like a hassle). You thought I'd asked her to hold up the earth for a year. She huffed and puffed and gave me the evil eye. Now, I wouldn't have asked her if the door wasn't locked and I had no key. So, I'm sure she's going to be thrilled that I'm her new boss. Man oh man, I can't wait to start telling her what to do!!

On another note, I just realized that I'm wearing 2 different earrings...way different. One's got 3 diamonds in a row that dangle (ok, so they're CZ) and the other is that Swarovski Crystal stuff. Ah Thursdays. One day closer to Friday.
FEELS LIKE A JOHN MAYER DAY:)

I, too, have a dream

This week's Flash Fiction challenge:
1. Maximum length: 250 words.
2. The theme is: power
3. The time is: 1968
4. Within the story, you must use this text: all due respect.
Make sure to link back to Diminished Fifth's site.


April 4, 1968. I had so many plans. I wanted so much to make a difference. A name. Today was the day.

It was all mapped out. So far everything was running smoothly.

My first stop, Big Jim’s Guns N’ More.

“’Scuse me, sir. Can ya hep me please?” I asked the guy at the counter.

“What is it yer lookin’ fer mister?” he asked, eyeing me intently.

“I’m lookin’ fer a rifle. Fer huntin’.” I said.

“Any patic’lar rifle?” the curiousity beaming from his eyes.

“Why yessir, I’m lookin’ for a 30.06. You got any of those?” I asked.

He nodded, produced a key out from under his quilted flannel, and turned around to a large glass case.

It was beautiful.

American walnut stock. A straight comb and cheekpiece. Sharp 20-line per-inch cut checkering and swivel studs. A tasteful satin finish.

“I’ll take it.” I said with unmistakable awe.

The man behind the counter eyed me suspiciously.

“What’s this fer? Big game huntin’?” He asked.

“Exactly.”

“All due respec, you know how ta use one of these things?”

“Sure do.”

I could feel the excitement building. This was it. The moment was coming. I’d make history. 6pm sharp.

The homeless man at the stoplight and the snob of fast foods

So, I'm driving along on my way to lunch today, when I come to a stoplight that I pass every day. I think the homeless people rotate and take turns. Anyway, I'm sitting there at the stoplight and looking at this homeless guy. He's wearing a T-shirt that says "got money?" like the got milk slogan. I started laughing...I mean, that's pretty damn gutsy and clever. Of course I gave him money. I usually do if I have some, but this guy got extra for originality. Then I was thinking, I wonder where he got that shirt? Did he have it made or do they make those? If he did, I wonder how much of his hard earned begging money he had to spend on it. Wouldn't that money be better spent on booze or something?

Then I got to thinking, I wonder what he actually does spend his money on. Does he enjoy the $.99 menu at McDonald's or is he more of a Jack in the Crack kind of guy? There's no way he could be a Wendy's man though. And here's why:

I was thinking about this too because my lunch destination was, in fact, Wendy's. First I was wondering why Wendy's is always far away. I mean, from everyone I've heard, you always have to drive quite a way to get to Wendy's...I did (even with the outrageous gas prices). Wendy's isn't ever easily accessible. You don't ever see the signs on the Highway that say: "Wendy's, next right". All the other fast food restaurants make an appearance, but not Wendy. Wendy tends to stick to better neighborhoods and better locations. Wendy's is the snob of the fast food restaurants. Now, don't get me wrong...I love Wendy...she's like a Pippi Longstocking and you gotta love her. She'd never hang out with a clown or a star or a big boy (whatever the hell a big boy is) and I admire that. She's got class and class means quality. Wendy's isn't a homeless-man-come-in-and-get-a-JBH kinda place. It's more of a take-your-kids-to-Wendy's-because-it's-more-healthy-"feeling"-place.

So, I'm standing in line at Wendy's (because I thought it would be faster than waiting in the 20 car long line) surrounded by the entire student body of the high school near the Wendy's (was not faster) and I get an idea. Yes, me with an idea.

I thought that homeless guy needed a little JBH combo. I mean, why not right. I bet he doesn't get that and he looked like he needed it. So, I purchased an extra meal (with a regular coke because a. he didn't look like a diet coke kinda guy and b. that way he could put whiskey in it). I get to the stoplight and alas, he had already moved on. Maybe that 5 dollars I gave him sent him off to Mickey D's for the 2 cheeseburgers meal. What became of the extra JBH meal you ask? I passed it on to another fortunate soul at work who hadn't had lunch yet. At least I helped someone.

Is that your mom?

Yeah.

I can barely even write this.

How depressing.

My friend came into town from NC this week. She just recently had a baby. Her family situation is a little weird. She's the oldest of her siblings, she has a younger sister and younger twin brothers. Her mother left her dad about 5 years ago. Her mom is totally cool, her dad is a religious freak. When her mom left, her dad lost it. All the kids were old enough to live on their own by that time, so I think that's why her mom waited because she'd been miserable for awhile. Anyway, her dad ended up getting this girl from Juarez pregnant (that he met at church, talk about hypocritical huh?) who is a year younger than US. She already had a kid. To date, they have 3 children and one due May 1. He has an entirely new family. Most of his kids from his first family don't really like him, he wasn't too great of a father. Ok, now here's my point.

His new wife doesn't speak English at all. Me and my other friend (who I've known since the age of 4 and can be such a bitter bitch sometimes) took her to visit her dad. We're sitting on the couch and I hear the new wife ask in Spanish "Is that her mom?" As in, am I my friend's mother. WHAT!?! WTF?!? "Uh no" I say and give a fake smile because at this point, I mean how depressing. My friend is older than me! Only by a month, but still.

So she looks at me and says "Ha ha, you look a lot older than me. People always say how much younger I look."
Me: "Um...maybe because I'm still dressed in my work clothes and you're wearing jeans, t-shirt, and tennis shoes and your hair is in a ponytail."
Her: "Well, people always say how much older (my friend that is beautiful) looks that I do. Everyone says it."
Me: (at this point I'm pissed b/c she's just being a bitch and she knows it) "Well, that's because (my friend that is beautiful) wears make-up and dresses nice and always looks good."

She just gives me this evil look and I just smiled.

The thing is, of all the people that that lady could have thought I was mother to, I wish to God it wasn't this friend. I'll hear snide comments about it forever. Funny thing is, I still get carded for alcohol, cigarettes, and even lottery tickets.

Anybody have $500 + tax and shipping I can borrow?

So, we watched this movie last night, Ginger Snaps. I don't know if anyone has seen this but it was pretty ridiculous. I actually liked it though, guess it's one of those that's so ridiculous it's good?

I got this invoice handed to me this morning for $500 + tax and shipping. Addressed to me, so there was no getting around it. Trouble is, I have no idea what it's for. I call the guy and it goes a little something like this:
Me: Yes, I'm calling in regards to invoice 123456
Invoice guy: Yes
Me: What is this for?
Invoice guy: Did you not receive a CD?
Me: A CD?
IG: Yes.
Me: Uh, no.
IG: We sent it to you.
Me: Well, I didn't get it. Plus, I didn't order it.
IG: Oh, well we sent it to you.
Me: Um, ok. But I didn't order anything.
IG: You didn't speak to Invoice lady?
Me: Did I?
IG: Did you?
Me: I don't think so.
IG: Well, we sent you the CD. I have the tracking number.
Me: Well, I DIDN'T ORDER ANYTHING. I don't even know who you are or what you do. I can't authorize payment for anything so I know for a fact I didn't order this!
IG: Well, do you want to send the CD back?
Me: I DIDN'T GET A CD!
IG: Ok, well, I need that CD back.

At this point I'm about the reach through the phone and punch him in the adam's apple. We went back and forth for awhile and he finally says he'll check the tracking and make sure it was delivered. That better be one damn good CD for all the pain it has caused me. My CFO was about to have an aneurysm.

My desk is not a dumping ground. My boss' desk keeps leaking onto mine. I'm organized, I like things neat. If I have piles, I want neat, arranged piles. Not this heap of crap that seems to be regenerating by itself. If he puts one more piece of whatever on my desk and says "Can you check this out for me?" or "Can you research this?" I going to seriously cause him bodily harm. He has no idea what anything is...it could be a list of the 50 states and capitals and he wouldn't know it. It could be a death threat (which he might not be far from with his reputation) and he'd just hand it to me and say "Can you take a look at this?" I'm on the brink here...I should SO have his job!!!

LeBlek

As I was sitting here, waiting for my blog to republish because it was taking...oh, I don't know... FOREVER, I noticed that my name backwards spelled leblek. Sounds funny. Like a french word for something that is gross.

"Isn't that gross?"
"Oui, it is LeBlek."

That might have been more effective if I would have known more french words, but you get the point.

So, I'm wearing all black today. Black shirt, blank pants, black jacket. If anyone asks me what's with all the black (as people are wont to do) I will tell them I'm mourning the death of my soul. That should shut em up;)

I had a pretty tame weekend for the most part. Saturday was a day filled with food, horror, laughs, and booze. Had some utterly delicious sushi, saw the Ring 2, went to a barbeque and had good times with old friends. Strangely enough, a bunch of my friends were in town this weekend although it wasn't planned. We got pretty liquored up on Saturday and had a great time. I guess I'm starting to feel old because it seems like everyone I know is either married, has a baby, or both. It's funny because I think people from El Paso have it all backwards. They usually end up having the kid first and then going from there. That's not my plan...no way jose.

So, it's Monday....again. Mondays suck. Especially when you were dreaming about how your sister came over and asked if you were ever going to get up and go to work and you were like "Yeah, it's only 7:00" and then you wake up and it's actually 8:00 and you have to be at work at 8:30 and work is 20 minutes away. You just knew that when you finally turned off your alarm at 7:12 and were about to get up, but thought, I'll just close my eyes for another second, that you were actually going to fall right back asleep and sleep for another 45 minutes. You knew, and you did it anyway. Just like you always do. So, that's how Monday began, in a mad dash for the door. I hate starting the day in a rush.

Maybe I'm bored, or it's really funny

But I looked at this and laughed for like 15 minutes straight. Again, someone get me outta here!

I have to leave work early, I forgot to put on deodorant

So, I walked around for the entire first 4 hours of work with my zipper down. How did I not notice this? There was no draft and it was not windy outside. The question is how did other people not notice this? Or better yet, how come those bastards didn't tell me?

It's one of those unspoken rules. You tell someone those kinds of things to save them from further embarrassment. I mean, yeah it's embarrassing when someone's like "Hey, um, you have a little....thing...in your nose" or "There's some kind chive-looking thing taking over the front of your mouth" but at least you won't unknowingly be "the guy with the booger" or the "girl with that green thing stuck in her teeth". Or in my case "The girl who likes to show off her Austin Powers underwear through her fly". I mean, am I right or am I right? Do you tell someone that? Even a stranger? I say yes.

So, I'm trying to think of a reason to get out of work early today. I just can't be here anymore and since I'm ALWAYS here, I think I've earned it. I don't think the "I forgot to put on deodorant" excuse will work, unless they're OCD over here, but I've been wracking my brain trying to come up with something and this is all I could come up with(or steal from various sources).

- Constipation has made me a walking time bomb.
- I have to take my biological clock in for service.
-I think I left the refrigerator on.
-I have a seriously overdue library book that I have to return.
-I need to check out the hole in the ozone layer.
-I have to leave work early today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for leaving work early.
-I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I shouldn't be at work knowing my employee records may now contain false information.
-I prefer to remain an enigma
-My stigmata's acting up.

Any ideas? I need to get outta here:)

"You're preaching to the choir"

One of my bosses favorite cliches. Some of the others on his list include:

It has to get worse, before it gets better--As in "Are you going to call back Mr. So-and-so? He's called 35 times today?"
Him: It has to get worse, before it gets better.

All good things come to those that wait-- As in "There's a man downstairs that had an appointment with you an hour ago."
Him: All good things come to those that wait

Everything is vanity-- As in "The ad for the newspaper needs changes made to it."
Him: Everything is vanity

The truth is just as meaningful as the lie-- As in "The next call that comes in is going right to you. I'm not pretending like you're not here anymore."
Him: The truth is just as meaningful as the lie

Hurry when you have time, then you'll have time when you are in a hurry--As in "Will you stop walking away for a second, I have to talk to you."
Him: Hurry when you have time, then you'll have time when you are in a hurry

When God gives you lemons, make lemonade-- As in "The TV station called and they can't run our spot because it's too long."
Him: When God gives you lemons, make lemonade

Never forget that you are unique, just like everybody else-- As in "I need you to sign this so we can meet the deadline."
Him: Never forget that you are unique, just like everybody else

The road to success is always under construction-- As in "How can I get anything done if you're never around to give the ok on things?"
Him: The road to success is always under construction

Now I realize some of these make sense and some don't, that's him. The frustrating part is...I get the cliche and then his back as he's walking off so half the time I'm left with my mouth hanging open and no resolution. There are just some things here I don't have the authority to go ahead and do on my own, and with a leader like this it's impossible to keep your sanity. I don't know how many people that I talk to ask me "Does he always speak in cliche-code?" Yes, yes he does. Thanks for noticing.

On a lighter note, it's FRIDAY!!! This is my favorite rockin out Friday song. Always gets me pumped!

Sometimes I wonder...

So, I totally forgot about this dream until a little while ago and thought I'd share it with you:

I was visiting this house w/"Englebert" (my friend) somewhere and there were these 2 women that lived there. They were giving us a tour. So the good looking chick liked "Englebert" but said she couldn’t do anything w/him b/c her ex husband would get mad, I said why and she said “Dave just gets pissed”. So, here comes her ex, and it was Dave Mathews! So then here's Dave and he's pissed b/c "Englebert" was there and he wanted us to leave b/c he didn’t want us to be able to brag to people about hanging out with him. So I talked him out of making us leave. Then there was this “poltergeist” that would make farting sounds and we all had to ignore it and blame it on someone else ("Englebert") then he’d throw different colored eyeballs (like paintballs) and we’d have to ignore that too. What the hell???

On another note, I found this blog today and I found it to be quite amusing and fun to read. You should check it out. Also, have you heard of this guy? Maddox...you should check him out, although not for the weak of...well, sense of humor.

Oh yeah, I saw this too while I was blogsurfing and I just couldn't resist...I know it's not nice to make fun of people, but this guy left himself wide open.
"Hey there. Go NWC! Yay for Camp Lebanon! I'm an action movie/romantic comedy guy. What can I say, beneath the rough exterior of the manly beast I am, I'm actually quite the romantic. Ok forget the manly beast comment. Ok so the Bible is the best book ever. Actually, the Bible is the "book of books", meaning it's tbe best, of course. Oh yeah, it's the biggest one of all. It can totally kick the snot out of any other book. The other books all know who's boss when Mr. Bible comes to town and unleashes all it's fury on the soon-to-be sore behinds of all the weaker books...wow I'm stupid. "
Yes, yes you are.

Top 'O the Mornin' To Ya!

Happy St. Paddy's day everyone! Hope it's filled with lots of green beer and other green drinks. I know mine will be:)!

So, I was listening to our crappy radio station this morning and they were having a contest (yeah, again) to win tickets to get into this Irish place where they're having a big party. They had a "leprechaun" asking callers questions about what certain Irish Slang meant. The funny thing was, the leprechaun kept going from an Irish accent to a Scottish one. SO, what I learned from the radio today was:
Shut yerrrr gob ya hoorrrr's melt.
If anyone can tell me what that means, you'll win half of the big bag of gummy bears* I had to go buy last night because Branshine and Denny kept talking about them, so naturally I had to get some.

Oh yeah, and if anyone can point out the significance of my new music today, you'll win the other half of the bag*.

Hope everyone out there in blogland is wearing green today. You don't want a virtual pinch now, do ya?

And now, it's time for what's your Irish name. I thought long and hard and mine is Angie O'Plasty. That's right kids...what's yours?(Pat McCrotch is already taken by MJ, so you can't use that one).

Hope everyone has a pisser tonight but doesn't get so scuttered that they end up on their arse.

*all promises of prizes are fictional and should not be taken seriously.

Oh my God! You won't believe it!!

Yep, that's right. Not a damn thing happened today that was interesting. I knew you guys were curious, so I thought I'd let you know. There was something annoying that happened though (surprise).

We had a meeting scheduled for today at 1:30. It was scheduled last week by the OWNER of the company and my boss with a man who was going to fly in from out of town. At 1:00...my boss calls to say he and the owner can't make it. WTF? I mean, I'm so sick of these flakes that I work with. That's bad business and it makes us look awful. I felt so bad for the guy that flew in for nothing. Damn, today sucked.

It's a mystery to me

My head was throbbing.
What the hell happened?
I remember walking through the house and into the darkest, coldest, creepiest cellar I’ve ever seen. My biggest fear was of the spiders.
Until now.
I had a suspicion I was no longer in that dank cellar, although I couldn’t figure out where I was. Or why it felt like someone was playing drums inside my head. I was completely in the dark.
Where am I?
Did I slip and fall and hit my head?
Maybe.
That would explain the throbbing, but not this place. I could see a crack of light coming from somewhere. I followed the light.
Eventually I came to a door.
Just open it, for the sake of your sanity, you can see it leads out into the open. Into the sunlight and possibly into an explanation of where you are. Maybe even how you got here.
I pushed the door open with the mandatory squeak that all doors seem to make when you’re trying to be quiet.
I walked out into the sunlight and into the bustle of everyday life that seemed to be masked by that closed door.
Something is not quite right.
Everyone looked different but I couldn’t quite place what was different about them. I turned to look at the place I had just come out of and it was a store. Full of people.
How the…??
I noticed a copy of a newspaper on the rack just inside the window.
Moscow-Pullman Daily News November 13, 1958.
Moscow Idaho 1958??

This week's challenge:
1) If you do this week's challenge, be sure to let me know, please.
2) Also, link back to Diminished Fifth... if nothing else, he'll seethat people are following that link to his site, and will investigate.

Okay.Now.
1. Maximum length: 250 words.
2. The setting is: Moscow, USSR
3. The year is: 1958.
4. Within the story, you must use this text: for the sake.
If you prefer, you can set it in Moscow, Idaho.

I'm so jammin

Totally jammin out to the Sugar Hill Gang...thanks Waldemar:)!

So, it's hump day and I think that's a misnomer. I mean yeah, I get the hump part because it's in the middle of the week...but how many people, when they say that, don't have the "other" meaning of the word in their heads. We're all like Beavis and Butthead "Huh huh huh, you said hump" whenever we hear that. Or maybe it's just me and I'm weird or something. Seriously though, hump day doesn't guarantee anything.

I do like today because I have no meeting. Wednesday is the only day I don't have meetings during the week. Of course, I have this huge meeting at 1:30 in place of it. Maybe I'd rather have the other meeting where we all mindlessly stare at the front of the room and occassionally nod or something.

So, they're having this contest on the radio to win tickets to go see the miners in the first NCAA game. They play the miners fight song and then the contestant tells them when to stop. Wherever they stop I guess stands for one of the NCAA teams. They name the starters on that team and the contestant has to guess, from the names, how many of the starters are white. If they guess right, they win. They are so damn ridiculous sometimes. Yeah...I called in. No, I didn't win. Guess I'll be at work tomorrow. Damn!!

I pressed snooze on my alarm clock 6 times this morning. I don't care what day it is, I just didn't want to be here. If it was Friday...well, if it was Friday afternoon, I'd be ok.

So, my friend's mom was totally gung-ho on watching Alien V. Predator last night. I had absolutely no desire to watch this movie....ever. The only thing that drew me in was the hot guy that played the professor (who was also on that movie "Under the Tuscan Sun"). I'm so totally confused as to exactly how the aliens and the predators started fighting. I guess I wasn't paying close attention. Surprisingly enough, my friend's mom wasn't either. She MADE us watch and then she spent the whole movie drinking cosmos and talking on the phone, but it was too late for my friend and I to turn back. We were talking about it and trying to decide who we'd rather be trapped with....Alien or Predator. I said the Predator because they camouflage themselves and so you really wouldn't see it coming. It'd just be "Surprise, you're dead". The Alien slimes everything and then implants you with one of those little creatures that busts out of your chest. Give me the predator anyday. Now, we were also talking about who you'd want on your side...I'm still voting for the Predator. They're cool looking and they are more human-like than those freaky leaf-head aliens are. I say the Predator would be my buddy and we kick some alien ass.

So, hopefully something totally outrageous will happen today that I can put on here to fascinate you.

Have you ever...

Had an argument with yourself inside your head?
Been tempted to just stick your foot out when someone is letting their kids run around like crazy?
Wanted to cut someone off just for driving slow?
*Wanted to smack someone upside the head for just being dumb?
Felt like screaming in the middle of your office just to get it off your chest?
Wanted to tell your boss that he/she is an idiot and you are now dumber for having listened to what they were saying?
Ended an argument with "Just shut up" because the other person was annoying you?
Wanted to be a cartoon character so that you could blow someone up or drop an anvil on their head (and they wouldn't seriously be hurt)?
Wanted to say to someone "Just stop talking to me"?

Yeah, me neither.


*I just remembered at that disco show they played some song and I don't think I'd heard it before but it sounded like they were saying "I said uh oops ...up...side the-head....I -said-uh-oops-upside-the-head". I couldn't stop singing it (and now of course it's back in my head again) but I still don't know what song it was. Same rhythm as that "Hip hop... hippie to the hip... I said a hip hip hop and ya don't stop"or whatever, except I know it wasn't that song.

So, I caved

Yeah, I did. I caved. I'm creating a "However-many-things about me list". I decided I'll post it upon completion.

In the meantime, as you can probably hear (unless you have no sound) I found this site that lets you post music videos on your site. Cool...so I did it.

Tuesday is sucking about as bad as Monday did. All it has going for it is that it's not Monday. Way to go Tuesday.

I fell out of bed last night. Yep, that's right. Right outta there. I don't think I was having a falling dream or anything, I just think I thought I had more room than I really did. Sucked to wake up like that. Maybe that's why Tuesday sucks too.

Umm...so that's about it for now. Over and out.

Brother can you spare a dime?

So, how sad is it that I've been broke for the past week and a half because I totally miscalculated what I owed vs. what I was spending carelessly.

I paid a chunk of cash to my credit card just to go back and use it all and have them charge me for it.

It's pretty sad when I can spend money even when I don't have it. I haven't had actual tangible cash in I don't know how long. Ah you dirty, smelly, germ-infested pieces of green...how I've missed you in my life.

I have to charge $.98 to buy a cup of coffee at the convenience store in the morning. So, what do I think I need to do in order to avoid spending that small amount of money on my card? Yep, I get more stuff I don't need and spend like $10 so I won't feel bad charging so little on my card. Now, where's the logic in that? Wouldn't it be better just to spend the $.98 and let the cashier look at me funny? Especially considering I don't have $10 to spare on stuff I don't need.

Well, I guess the reason I thought of this was that I'm dying of thirst and can't stop choking/coughing, I have only $.38 which isn't enough to buy a diet coke at the coke machine.

Yeah, we have a water fountain...but do you know what's in that stuff???

In keeping with the "100 things" list

Here's my list:

1. I have a bad memory
2. I forgot what the other 99 things are.

Play that funky music whiteboy

So, Friday night was super crazy nuts. We went out to celebrate UTEP winning the WAC and did it up right. Went to this bar at the top of this "tower" (for El Paso, we're talking like 11 stories tops) and there was this band, the Fungi Mungle, who can do any disco song ever written and do it right. I haven't had that much fun (or that much to drink) in a long, long time. My friend (spaz) brought his friend (baldy) who had very recently expressed interest in another of my friends(princess).

Now, baldy is a pretty decent guy (although not very pretty to look at and a little strange). Princess is obviously a princess and very "picky" about the guys she'll date. Well, this guy isn't one of them. He left her a voice message pouring out his heart and she responded by not responding at all. She felt bad though.

So, princess wasn't with me Friday night but spaz brought baldy so I had to play nice. Baldy got very annoying. Mainly because every other thing he said to me was "Am I annoying you? Am I bothering you?" Blah blah blah. So, after all that, yes he was definitely annoying me. Not to mention his endless urgings to get down, get down. I was all for shakin my tailfeather...I just didn't really want to dance with baldy the footloose-clappy-dancer guy. I was content to dance with a number of people, not just him.

I did agree to dance with him because it was the nice thing to do. So, we're dancing (well, I am...he's doing this clappy thing) and he asks "Am I embarassing you?" Ugh! He's just making it worse! So, in the end I say it's just way too hot to dance anymore and sit down. Although, I'm still chair dancing with all my other friends.

Needless to say we had a total blast though (even though at one point baldy put his arm around my chair and touched my back...at which time I flinched and I think he got the hint.) Baldy ended up taking off and we went back to spaz's house to continue to drink and dance until about 4 am. I was pretty much incapacitated for the rest of the weekend.

Oh....by the way. I wanna give a shout out to Blue because my old comment are restored thanks to his computer genius!!!

Accidents do happen, or do they?

Flash Fiction challenge!
The rules are as follows:
Maximum length: 250 words.
Location: a mall
Within the story, you must use this text: not going to happen

You’ve heard those stories. You know the ones I’m talking about. The “urban legends”. It’s always your friend’s sister or your sister’s best friend’s cousin that it happened to. The one where the girl’s roommate leaves the apartment, realizes she forgot something that just so happened to be in her roommate’s room, and goes back for it. She doesn’t turn on the light because she doesn’t want to wake her roommate. Later, when she comes home the police are there and they tell her she’s lucky she didn’t turn on the light. You know that story and so many like it.

Well, this one is no urban legend. This really happened. It happened to me.

It was a Friday. I remember because the next day was the biggest day of my life. I was getting married to the most wonderful guy (sickening, I know). I decided I needed to stop by the mall and pick up a little something for my wedding night. I knew nothing I had gotten at my bridal shower was quite sexy enough.

In a hurry to make it to my rehearsal dinner, with just enough time to spare, I hurried out into the oncoming dusk. With my mind being so preoccupied, I never heard the car approaching me from behind.

The car hit me and I hit the hood with a loud THUMP. I was thrown over the car and onto the street. Unfortunately for me, that wasn’t the end of the pain I would suffer. That was not an accident, but in my confused state I didn’t realize it. The man apologized profusely and offered—I should say insisted on-- taking me to the hospital as he helped me into his car. The most special day of my life was not going to happen. Ever.

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

Blogger, if you work I'll be really really good.

I just wanted to shout out to my peeps in bloggerland. Miss you guys and being able to comment on your posts. Funny thing happened today though, as I was "next blogging"...I came across this... how exciting! It was right after this and before this oh so interesting blog. This one was pretty good though...better than most I encounter through "next blogging". You'll have to excuse me, I'm totally bored and link happy today:) Adios and can't wait to comment again!

P.S. Blue...if you're reading this...I'm totally waiting for Friday Flash Fiction!

It's Friiiiiday! It's time to paaaaartay!

Here's a little backstory before I get to the real story:
When I was in high school, there was this guy who used to have a Friday song (see title of the post). He used to sing it and he was very entertaining. Well, this guy works at a burger place by my house.... he's worked there ever since high school. I think he's manager now. But I still see him walking to work all the time. Now, I didn't know him very well during high school, but one of my friend's did.

Story:
Last Saturday (keep in mind it was Saturday) my friend (the one that knew the guy pretty well...we'll call her Muffy) wanted to go out because she just had a baby a few months ago and hasn't gone out in a long time. Sure, no problem...the rest of us are unattached, either to husband or child, so we said we thought it would be fun. Muffy's fiance (if you want to call him that...he's the epitome of stupid asshole, herein referred to as SAH) was willing to watch said baby so that Muffy could go out. Muffy was so excited because a couple of weeks before she had tried to go out but when she went to shop to find something to wear(because she wasn't back to normal weight after said baby), SAH told her the shirt she liked made her look like an orangutan and that she should have a banana in her mouth (SAH!!!). Go on, tell a postpartum woman (or any woman for that matter) that she looks like an orangutan....oh man! So needless to say she didn't go out that night.

Well, this night she did and I went shopping with her so there would be no mention of primates (is an orangutan a primate?) and fruit. We find something to wear for her, everything is going smashingly. We make it out to the bar...yahoo!! Now, remember I said she hadn't been out in quite a while so she was bound to go a little nuts. We drank a lot (she and I drink for drink) and had a really good time. Of course, when she gets drunk, she gets bold. We go to another bar and some idiot guys are buggin us. We go outside, they follow, blah blah blah. She proceeds to pick a fight with one of the guys and we decide it's time to go.

Now, remember that burger place I spoke about at the beginning here...the one that guy works at. Well, that's our after-drinking-we're-starving place to go. We get there around 3 am. Muffy notices the guy working there (who she's seen there a million other times but has never attempted to speak to him) and says "I want to talk to him". OOOOH great. My other friend...let's call her Lefty....said "Uh, I don't think that's a good idea. Trust me, you don't want to do it." Muffy couldn't imagine why it wouldn't be a good idea to suddenly talk to this guy in her drunken stupor when she hadn't acknowledged him in years. Here's what happened. Mind you, I'm still standing there and Lefty has taken off....lucky.

Muffy (to another employee): Hey, is that burger guy over there?
Employee (with a weird look on his face): Uh, yeah
Muffy: Will you tell him to come up here?
Employee: Uh ok.
Burger guy comes up to the front with a really freaked out look on his face.
Muffy: Hey burger guy, it's me Muffy.
Burger guy: Uh hi (looking kinda scared)
Me: Hi (totally embarrassed).
Muffy: Hey burger guy, remember that song you used to sing? It's Friiiiiiiday, it's time to paaaaartay. It's time to booooogay!!
BG: Uh, oh yeah. Ha ha (not a real laugh at all as he's backing up towards the fryer.) But it's Saturday.
Muffy: I still sing that!
BG: Oh, really?(quite uncomfortable...I think he thinks she's nuts)
Muffy: Yeah (getting pissed b/c he's not reacting the way she expected....what does she expect? He's probably embarrassed because he still works at burger place after all these years).
BG (looking at me): So, did you go to the reunion?
Muffy(getting huffy..hee hee): Whatever!!
She walks off.
Me: Uh, yeah. It was ok...I only went to the first night (which is the bar night, the second night is dinner/dance). I didn't want to go to Prom II.
BG: (laughs) Yeah, I know what you mean.

We continue to talk for a couple minutes and then I go sit down. Muffy is steaming because she was "friends" with him and I didn't even know him and he sat and talked to me and wouldn't talk to her. I was thinking "What did you expect? After you say 'Is that burger guy'? I mean, if you know him so well why would you have to ask if that was him?" Well, needless to say when the girl drinks (as we all do sometimes) she gets a little....delusional I should say. Anyway, she decides she's going to go back up there and give him a piece of her mind. WTF? Relax, get over it. She's been coming here all this time and hasn't bothered to say anything so now when she doesn't get a warm reception she's pissed? Luckily between myself and Lefty we managed to get her out of the burger place without a confrontation. Whew!

Ok, blogger! You and me, right now, outside!

Is anyone else having as much trouble as I am? I mean, I go to post, finish typing it, press publish and get "this page cannot be displayed." Go back, try to publish again, no dice. Try a few times then give up. Come back a few minutes later and my blog has like 5 of the same posts. Then, I try to delete the extras, go to delete, "This page cannot be displayed." Lather, Rinse, Repeat. It's not letting me delete them. Then, all of a sudden they're ALL gone and I'm back to square one and I'll never get that 30 minutes of my life back. Dammit blogger!!!

Get over yourself Russell Crowe

Did any of you see this? I mean, no offense to you Russell Crowe fans, but really...!! I'm sure the Al-Qaida's "big plan" is to kidnap the Australian idiot to scare Americans. I just can't see this causing a big stir. I hope this isn't some ploy to promote his new movie coming out. Russell Crowe hasn't exactly been in the limelight lately. You'd think a big, tough guy like Russell wouldn't need the FBI to help him out...I mean, he's had his share of brawls. I'm sure he could kick those skinny Al-Qaida butts without any help. Hmm...sounds like his paranoia from "A Beautiful Mind" has had residual effects. Hey Russ! It was only a movie!!

teenagers, sneezes, and zombies...oh my!

So, I went to Starbuck's last night with my friends so one could study, the other could grade her papers, and I could read my book. That place was so jam packed full of teenagers "studying" (ie talking on their cell phones, laughing really loudly, and squealing) that it made me think "Were we ever that annoying?" Of course not. I mean, when WE were teenagers, we were cool and didn't annoy anybody. Everyone wanted to hear our conversations and how so-and-so was totally cheating on so-and-so with so-and-so. WE didn't annoy people, unlike teenagers now who are so irritating. I am so glad I'm not a teenager anymore.

So, I got to work this morning and had one of the worst sneeze attacks of my life. I'm talking like 30 sneezes in a row. My whole computer screen was wet (kidding, that's just gross;) I think I'm allergic to work.

Ok, I had this dream last night, an epic if you will, about zombies. It was like a mix between "Dawn of the Dead", "28 Days Later", "Shawn of the Dead" and "Night of the Comet". Really crazy. I swear it lasted all night long and well into the morning. It actually made me wake up late for work too. It was just like the movies, although I'm not sure how the zombies came about. All I knew was I was totally alone at first, trying to find other human survivors. I met this lady with a baby and we kept having to battle zombies. All we had were butcher knives and I wondering if the zombie blood would contaminate me if it squirted in my eye or mouth or something when I stabbed em. Then we finally find a safe house that's totally all maximum security and we're safe, but the people in the house wanted us to go find a frying pan. Yeah, a frying pan (guess they wanted to make eggs or something?) So the lady and her baby and I (don't know why we ALL went, bound to be a much bigger pain in the butt) take off to go find a frying pan. She ends up getting bit by the zombie and turns into one and tries to get me. I kill her, save the baby and hightail it outta there. I end up at the mall and my friends are there. We all go into Old Navy and find all these cute things to wear...all the while killing the "surprise" zombies who are in the mall. At least it ended on a high note!

So, I guess I'm just wondering if everything is related. Was the dream a manifestation of my thoughts on the teenagers? Was the reason the dream made me late because I am allergic to work? Or am I just full of shite on all counts?