Dream of Cartoon Fornication

I know, it's weird. I really have no explanation for it. Yes, I had a dream last night. It was a cartoon dream. In this cartoon dream, spongebob was trying to get it on with megaman. I don't know if it had to do with Robin Williams' speech on SpongeBob being gay (bottom) or what, but that's just weird. Have any of you ever dreamt in cartoon?

Pretend I haven't seen it

Over the weekend, since everyone I knew was out of town, I realized exactly how annoying my sister is. I learned that I should never, ever tell my sister that I've already seen the movie we're about to watch. I've learned that I should never, ever watch a scary movie with her. I pretty much learned not to watch movies with her. From the getgo she wants to know "Why is he doing that?" "Where are they going?""What's happening?"(as she's turned completely away from the TV and she's got her fingers in her ears as to avoid knowing what's happening in the scary movies). Even in movies that I've flat out told her I have not yet seen, she still asks me questions. Through the entire movie! She wants to know what happens at the end of the movie when it's just beginning. She'll say "He dies doesn't he?" "That's the killer huh?" or something to that effect. Then she'll get up and go in the other room for extended periods of time and then comes back and wants me to explain what happened. So...if by mistake I tell her that I've have seen it, I just say "Pretend I haven't seen it." because she'll ask me questions and then get pissed when I don't tell her. No wonder I don't hang out with her and watch movies.

Me, myself, and I

Well, this weekend should be a barrel of laughs. The majority of my friends went to Lake Tahoe to ski (and although I make more $ than them, they somehow always have more than me) and I was too poor to go. My parents went to Phoenix to visit my sister, and I could have hitched a ride, but I don't have vacation time (shit, I don't even have insurance yet!). My friend's family (who is like my second family) is out of town too. Sure, I have other friends here...but they're married w/kids and don't hang out w/singletons (or I don't want to be the loser 3rd wheel hanging out with the married peeps). SO, I guess that means this weekend is going to be all me. Lots of me time. Me me me me me. Damn, it's gonna be boring!
As a tribute to boredom...I found this. Talk about boredom. I like eZorro b/c he's so tiny.

English as a second language, dumb questions, and I'm an idiot

Since we're kind of on the subject (or I am anyway) of people messing up lyrics, words, etc. I thought it would be a good time to talk about another friend of mine who can never get sayings correct. Now, I must say that when I met her at the age of 4, she spoke no english. She was a spanish-speaker all the way (of course, in college we took a spanish placement test and I scored higher than her, so I don't know if she can still use that as an excuse). SO anyway, she always gets sayings wrong and it makes me laugh everytime and then she'll look at me like "What's so funny? Help me out here, how does it go?" Here are some of my favorites:
The whole 1o yards instead of the whole 9 yards
Trust that instead of top that
Catch 23 instead of Catch-22
In the split of a moment instead of in a split second
88 instead of 86
Go the extra 9 miles instead of go the extra mile
In like Flint instead of in like Flynn
What's all the hoop about? instead of What's all the hype about?

Stuff to ponder:
How do "do not walk on grass" signs get there?
What was Captian Hook's name before he had a hook for a hand?
Do Jewish vampires avoid crosses or Stars of David?
If Hooters were to become a door-to-door service would they have to change their name to Knockers?
When French people swear do they say pardon my English?
Why did Yankee Doodle name the feather in his hat Macaroni?
Isn't Disney World just a people trap operated by a mouse?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in mother in law, they come out to Woman Hitler?
Why do they put the names of football teams on baseball caps?
If I had my legs amputated, would I have to change my height and weight on my driver's license?
How come you pay an extra 25 cents to get something put on your hamburger but they don't take off the price if you get something taken off?
Why do they call the small candy bars the "fun sizes"? Wouldn't be more fun to eat a big one?

Why I'm an idiot(B and I would really get along, think keys):
I had messages on my cell phone and since my phone doesn't work very well at work, I was going to call from my office phone and check the messages. So, I call my voicemail on my cell phone from my office phone and then I notice my cell phone is ringing and it's my work calling. SO I pick up my cell phone and say "Hello"...nothing. Yeah, it was me. I was the one calling my cell phone...in order to check my messages. What an idiot. This is one of those times I'd stamp my own forehead.

Elfed up

This is one of the most messed up things I have ever seen. What kind of elfed up person does this crap?? (thanks b, i love that elfin word:)

Intellectually speaking

I really can't stand when people feel the need to use big words in everyday conversation. As I imagine they are trying to make themselves sound educated, and possibly even superior, they end up sounding like dumbasses when they can't even use the big word correctly. Or even worse, they make up a big word. Or they use phrases that make no sense in the context in which they are using them.

I'm sure you realize I have a specific person in mind or why else would I have thought of this? Well, you're right. There was this girl that I used to work with. She was the most irritating person, the kind that knew everything. We started working there on the same day and if I was having a problem with something she'd peek over and say "Do you need help?" No, I don't need help from you newbie. Now keep your eyes on your own desk.

Well, she used to say stuff like "In actualness..." or "On the contradictory" (yeah, I know!). My favorite thing was when she was on the phone and someone would ask her a question. She started everything off with "in theory". Now, I worked for a software company and people would ask questions like can my software do such and such. But I mean people asking questions as simple as will my software be compatible with Windows 2000? Yes, it will, it was designed that way. Her answer "In theory it should be." What color is the box so I can look for it in our office? In theory, it should be blue. NO....actually in reality it is/does those things. Maybe I got carried away on it, but it in all seriousliness it drove me nuts.

Well...what do you think?

Do you like it or should I go back? Thought I'd try something different so I'm interested in opinions. Not that I'll follow them or anything;)

Can some computer genius help me out?

I can't figure it out. I went in to edit my template and changed the size of some stuff and when I went to preview it looked correct. Then I republished and the blog still started way down the middle of the page. Also, I still can't figure out where I can add links to the blogs I just adore on the sidebar! You'd think that I'd have stuff...like oh, I don't know, work maybe, to do. Screw that, I need to have this fixed!

Is Phoenix in Arizona or New Mexico?

My friend actually called me today to ask me that. I'm totally serious.
I say "You're kidding right?"
He says "It's Arizona huh? Or New Mexico?"
I say "Don't ever call me and ask me a question like that again (laughing my ass off)"
[Click]
Up there, that's me hanging up on him. I mean, no he didn't go to college, but come on!
So, while I'm talking about him and getting a kick out of it, I remember this story.
We are sitting around talking one night and he says something something "No point intended".
I said "What did you say?"
He looks at me like "Duh" and says "I said no point intended".
I said "Don't you mean 'No pun intended'?"
He says "Pun? What the hell is a pun?"
So after we all stop laughing I say " A pun is a play on words. It can be like a play on a different meaning of the same word or the same meaning on a different word."
Look of bewilderment in his eyes and a "Huh?"
So my other friend and I are trying and trying to think of a good example of a pun.
In the meantime, he says "Oh, I got one. Say I'm sitting at dinner with someone. They have food and I don't but I'm really hungry. I look at them and say 'No pun intended'".
WHAAAA???
I say "That doesn't even make sense."
He goes on and on about how it does make sense and he doesn't care because he's gonna use it.
I finally come up with "Ok, say you're on a date with a short guy and you're eating shrimp. Someone comes up to you and says 'Nice shrimp' then looks at the guy and says 'No pun intended'". Kinda lame, but the only thing I could think of.
Well, he says whatever but he's still gonna use no point intended. He thinks it makes more sense.

45 Virgins on a Pelican

It cracks me up sometimes to hear what people think the lyrics of some songs are. I mean, you have to stop and think for a second if what you're singing actually makes sense. Below is a list of what people that I know think some lyrics really are:

1. Pearl Jam- Glorified G
Actual lyrics: "Glorified version of a pellet gun"
What my friend actually thought they were saying: "45 Virgins on a pelican"

2. Grateful Dead- Casey Jones
Actual lyrics - "Drivin that train, high on cocaine. Casey Jones is ready, watch your speed."
What my friend actually thought they were saying: "Drivin' that train, high on cocaine, case you're jonesin' better watch your speed."

3. Beck- Loser
Actual lyrics: "Soy un perdedor I'm a loser baby so why don't you kill me?"
What my friend actually thought they were saying: " So, I opened the
door. I'm a loser baby so why don't you kill me?"

4. Pearl Jam- Jeremy
Actual lyrics: "Jeremy spoke in class today."
What my friend actually thought they were saying: "Jeremy's smokin' grass today."

Now those are just a few examples, and I don't know if someone told her that those were the words because she's gullible and they knew she'd be singing em and make a fool of herself or what...but she ACTUALLY thought those were the words. Of course, I told her gullible wasn't in the dictionary. She looked it up.

A Rich bitch

Well, this weekend was quite interesting and uninteresting at the same time. Saturday is the day that I'm itching to talk about.
It was my friend's birthday on Saturday and she and her husband threw a dinner party at this very nice restaurant. They have a lot of money so on any special occasion where they have a dinner somewhere, they treat everyone....on everything. That's right kids...drinks galore. So, we went and had a excellent dinner accompanied by:
2 glasses of pinot grigio
2 red bull and grey goose
2 grey goose martinis
2 grey goose and soda
countless michiladas (basically a beer and lime concoction for lazy people for those of you who don't know).
Well, during the course of the meal and the drinks, my friend decides she wants to call this guy who has been calling her (it's disgusting, my friend can get just about any guy she thinks she might like...good for her actually;) So, she calls this guy Rich, whom we have known for many years. He says he wants to meet us out yadda, yadda, yadda. This is around 9:00 pm. He and his friend are out watching the UTEP basketball game and will come when it's over.
So, we wait for awhile and it's about midnight by this time. I'm ready to go, she's ready to go...it's just time to go (we started way early and I guess my age is showing if I'm tired at midnight!). So she calls them and they're right down the street. Fine, we'll stay and hang out for a bit. Well, they get there and we hang out. I'm still tired but being a trooper for my friend's sake.
Then, all of a sudden, the lights come on. 2am...time to get the funk out of buckeye. Rich and his friend say "Come on, we're not done hanging out right? Let's go to Juarez". Uh...no thanks...I don't want to get shot. So, after a lot of annoying "Come on, Kelbel...just for a little while. Let's just hang out. You want to hang out with us right?" I get bullied into going over to Rich's house.
Enter Rich's house. Very nice house but total bachelor pad circa 1980. Everything black leather and black lacquer and smoky glasstops, etc. (apologize in advance if this is your decor). Strangely enough it was immaculately clean. Yes, I know that there are some guys that are clean, but even clean guys at least have a towel on the bathroom floor or hanging over the shower curtain rod, right? Especially if you're not expecting anyone. Well, I know this because I had asked to use his restroom. So I used his personal restroom off of his bedroom and the rest of the night went a little something like this:

Me: Wow, you have the cleanest house I've ever seen. You must have a maid (I laugh)
Rich: Why do you say that?
Me: Well, even guys that are super neat still have at least a towel askew.
Rich: Oh, ok. So, would you all like something to drink?
Us: Sure, what do you have?

Rich opens refrigerator and displays at least 30 different types of beverages. Not just beer but categories of beer...different types of light beer, mexican beer, irish beer. I mean, anything you could think of (including non-alcoholic beverages) to drink. Again, I'm amazed. I don't even have that.

Me: I have never seen anyone's fridge stocked so full of things. Wow, that's pretty impressive (I laugh again because that's just how I am).
Rich: What do you mean? What's wrong with that?
Me: Nothing (geez!) I was just saying that's cool.
Rich: Oh, well I have plants all over the place too and they're even green.
Me: What? Umm, ok.
So I touch the plants (bad move apparently).

Rich: Yeah, they're fake, you have a problem with that? (mumbles under his breath something shitty about me to my friend).
Me: Are you serious? What's wrong with you?
(Mind you, I've known this guy for years).
Rich: Well, I'm sorry if you don't approve of my house but I've worked hard for this and I'm proud of it (spazzing out)
Me: (WTF??? Why is he freaking out??) You're not kidding?? Look, I'm sorry if you took that the wrong way but that's not what I was saying. Your house is very nice and everything I was saying was actually complimentary(me pissed now). Obviously you don't know me because this is how I am. I don't know what your problem is.
Rich: Ok, fine. It's fine (totally insincere and shitty).

Now I'm pissed. Seriously, I didn't say damn thing wrong (out of character for me)and he was being a little bitch about it. So he tells my friend "She has something against me. It must be something from a long time ago." Uhhh, what?? Needless to say I was extremely pissed and told my friend I was leaving and she could stay or go, but this was ridiculous. I still don't know what the big deal was and why he got his panties in a bunch over it. At least I don't have to hang out with him again.

The city that always sucks...

This is my city. It's home, has been for the majority of my life (except those 2 years I moved to California to live with "the-one-who-finally-thinks-he's-the-one-but-now-I'm-not-so-sure") but it's like a vortex...a black hole even. Everyone who grew up here knows that of which I speak. No matter what, if you get out, if you move away for 10 years, you always end up back in El Pisshole. I mean, it's not THAT bad. It's got a personality all of its own. This is my city:

You're from El Paso if....
You can only name two seasons: Summer and Christmas.
You think that it only snows if it was at least 75 the day before.
You cringe whenever you see yellow license plates.
You get sunburned and wind burned in the same hour.
Taco Tuesdays at La Hacienda!
You get sick of your friends from other cities asking if you have indoor plumbing.
You don't go near the Rio Grande. Ever.
You think that anyone who lives on the west side drives a beamer and all the people on the northeast are gangsters and people on the eastside are recycled Mexicans.
You buy beer on your way to work.
The only national monument you have been to is White Sands.
You have a least four T-shirts that have "In loving memory" on the back.
Rib Hut Wednesdays!
You know the difference between ya'll and all ya'll.
You're Hispanic...but all you can say in Spanish is your name and "Hola".
Your barbecue grill is a disc.
Western Playland is the place to be in the summer.
You have actually fried an egg on the sidewalk in July.
You invest a great deal of money in hair spray in the spring.
You love a good Whata-burger.
The only thing you stocked up on for Y2K were tortillas.
The phrase, "Hi Dick" are your child's first words.
You think the rest of Texas doesn 't know El Paso exists. (This means you Austin!)
You know what all those letters on the mountain stand for.
You can see three different states and two countries from your backyard.
The first place you go when you come back in town is Chico's Tacos.
If you are lost in Juarez at night, you can always find your way back by looking for the star on the mountain.
Seeing the Asarco tower gives you that warm and fuzzy home feeling.
You have talked about leaving for ten years, but you are still here.

Ahh...home crap home.

I swear that's how I feel today. You ever have those days? I mean, I woke up without any idea what day it was, what time it was, where I was, and pretty much who I was. Now normally, this would be the result of a hangover of some sort (maybe not the projectile vomiting kind, because with those you usually wake up on the bathroom floor) but I didn't have one (or two, or three, etc.) drink last night. Just woke up in a haze and have been sitting at work trying to come up with a clever headline for our newspaper ad. I could SO be this guy on the billboard today. 

Tra la la la la la la...

Totally bored and have not one interesting thing to say, so instead I will give you guys a recount of my day (oooh, bet you're excited!!)
Woke up, got outta bed, dragged the comb across my head...oh wait, that wasn't me, that was the Beatles.
My alarm went off and interrupted my oh so interesting dream about how I was late for work. You ever have those dreams? I mean, in my dream I know I'm late but I just keep doing other stuff besides going to work to make myself even more late.
Anyway, I pressed snooze the usual 6 times and finally dragged myself out of bed.
Did the ritual we women do in the morning and head over my work.
Sit for about 2 hours and drink my coffee and read stuff on the internet.
Send emails to people, that kind of thing.
Go to lunch.
Come back and read some stuff on the internet and send some more emails, ya know, that kind of thing.
Did about an hours worth of work total.
Wrote a totally pointless post in my blog.
Now I'm going home.
Peace out.

In case you're feeling old...

Here's a list of slang terms that apparently all the kiddies are using today. Now your job is to use one in a sentence that you would say in your normal, everyday life.

I'll go first: "Hey (insert boss' name here), I'm checkin out, hope (insert big boss' name here) doesn't think that idea you had was bunk.

I need a prescription 

I almost died yesterday...and not of a broken heart

I don't know how many of you have been to or live in or near a border town, but I have to say that we here in the good 'ol Sun City have the worst drivers because of the foreign contribution. Drivers from Mexico are absolutely ridiculous. I mean, if you've driven in Mexico you might have an idea too...but it's like bumper cars out there. I've learned to steer clear of any cars with license plates reading "Front Chih", "Chih Mex", "Chihuahua", or anything similar in nature because I want to live. Yesterday I made the mistake of not heeding my own advice.

My story begins in 5 something pm traffic. Now, our traffic here isn't too bad compared to other cities but there's some congestion here and there. I'm cruisin along listening to our KLACrap (our only radio station and it's pretty much classic rock all day, all the time) and make my way across town with no close calls at all. I see my exit like a beacon-- "Sunland Park Dr"--one of my favorite signs after 8 hours of work. I exit as usual and begin to make my way towards the actual street. Well, here's when things get tricky.

[Sidebar necessary for you to understand the story: The off ramp is one of those where when you get off the freeway you can either curve to the right and merge onto the street, or you can go straight to the stoplight to turn left onto the street. ]

The Front Chih (as we call any Mexican driver with a Mexican license plate...pronounced "frun chee") in front of me cannot decide which way he wants to go. I can see the wheels turning in his head..."Which way do I go, which way do I go?" So he decides to curve to the right (which is the way I go to get home)...oh no...wait. He doesn't really want to go that way but he already passed the point of no return. "Eh...no big deal" I can imagine him thinking, "I'll just slam on my brakes and throw it in reverse" in the middle of the off ramp!!! So of course, that means I get to slam on my brakes too because God forbid I should get into an accident with a Front Chih when it's their fault (no insurance you see). So, I slam on my brakes and everything in my car, including me, smacks into the windshield. Luckily, and for some strange reason, no one is behind me so it saves me from getting rear-ended. Then, with not a care in the world, the Front Chih goes on his merry little way. Of course, not without a serious ear full and many, many gestures from me.

I've never encountered such an idiot in my entire life...we need an island where all the idiots get shipped off to so we don't have to deal with the dumbass crap they pull on a daily basis. Maybe that could be a new reality TV show..."Idiot Island" and they can have daily tasks. Whoever loses gets shot...oh crap...did I type that outloud? Sorry, wishful thinking I guess.

Happy Valentine's Day to everyone! I've heard the new name "Singles Awareness Day" all over the place and so this is for everyone celebrating that day too:)! 

In an attempt to conserve funds...

This past weekend, my friend and I decided we were going to save money by not going out drinking. In an attempt to meet this goal, here's what I ended up doing this weekend and what I spent money on:

going to the movies 3 times
getting popcorn at the movies 3 times
getting a drink at the movies 3 times
getting the necessary sour patch kids 3 times
going out to eat sushi
going out and buying pizza for everyone (to eat at our "Sex in the City" viewing extravaganza)
going out and buying champagne and orange juice for mimosa's for everyone(to drink at our "Sex in the City" viewing extravaganza)
going out to eat sushi (again)
going shopping and buying six (yes, six...I mean how utterly ridiculous and unnecessary is that!) pairs of new shoes
going shopping and buying 4 new outfits (on top of the shoes)
buying liquor and wine for a "barbecue" at a friend's new house last night so we could get drunk and play scrabble (my team totally won, by the way).

How broke am I now you ask? Broke as a joke. And I'm not laughing. SO, in an attempt to save money this weekend, I actually managed to spend everything I had left until my next paycheck (which thankfully is tomorrow). So, until tomorrow I guess I can sit around and look at my new shoes and imagine how much food at least one pair of shoes could have paid for.

My totally unexpected but very beautiful Valentine's Day flowers!! 

Gee, Your Kelli Smells Terrific

That's awesome. Sloganize your name...don't be afraid..."Do it. Do it".

Here are some other ones I thought were humorous. Am I bored? YES. Is it Friday and am I needing to go home? YES. Have I done much of anything all day? NO!

So, the top 10 slogans are:
10. Have a Break. Have a Nasty.
9. Naughty, but Blah.
8. A Taste For Shit.
7. Double the Pleasure, Double the Crap.
6. Bring Out The Suck.
5. I'm a Secret Shitballs Drinker.
4. We Don't Make Lame. We Make Lame Better.
3. Strong and Beautiful, Just Like F*ck.
2. Nothing Works Better Than a Prick.

and my personal favorite.....

1. Ass, the Other White Meat.

A Case of the Fridays

I love Friday. What's more is I love Friday afternoon. I actually love Friday around 5 or 5:30 the most, but the hardest part about Fridays is making it through the entire day. I mean, I find myself wanting to leave as soon as I get to work. It's hard to focus on anything work related...especially when your boss is annoying. He expects magic tricks and mind reading from me most days but Fridays are worse. That's mainly because I don't see him for the majority of the day (I know he's out screwing around, visiting buddies, taking extra long lunches that involve several libations) so he's constantly calling me and asking "Hey, can you find out how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?" and ridiculous crap like that. I don't know if it's so I'll "think" that he's out doing important advertising stuff or what. I'm not stupid. So I sit here all day, counting down the hours, and praying that I don't have some lame ass task to complete before the end of the day. What's even worse is when he waits until about 4:45 to ask me to do something that he knows is going to take a long time when I haven't been doing crap all day and could have done that to pass the time. If he ruins Friday for me I'm gonna be so pissed:)

Testing the links...

Let me see now...for those of you who actually look at my blog, Branshine's is a cool blog that I just discovered (I have yet to figure out how to put these links on the sidebar or whatever). There's also ThatGirl's blog that I enjoyed reading. This is also something for those of us who enjoy when celebrities are made to be the butt of numerous jokes. As I continue to rifle through all the blogcrap and various other sites to pass the 2/3 of my day that are spent doing a whole lotta not much, I'll (hopefully) come up with some more interesting links. Just thinkin of yous guys.

Charles Manson, David Koresh, and those Applewhite peeps all rolled into one.

I had no idea...well, except for the fact that I like to wear Nikeys and drink kool-aid.

Kelli was a Lively Cult Leader in a past life. http://quizme.stvlive.com/pastlife/quiz.php

Things to bitch about (in no particular order)

1. My "associate" (who is actually my "boss" but should really be my underling based on his lack of organization, responsibility, and good 'ol common sense) never, ever, ever returns anyone's calls. He has told the receptionist to direct all calls to the "Marketing/Advertising Dept" ie. ME. SO people call a gazillion times only to get me...again...and I tell them...again...that he'll get back to them. Of course, then they think I'm his ASSistant (thanks to Branshine for the term) and I'm not giving him messages. I did NOT sign up for these shenanigans!

2. What's with everytime I try to do something on my blog it tries to make me sign in but doesn't accept my username/password. I enter them, press "login", and it takes me back to the login page. I could dance in circles with the login page all day and it wouldn't let me in. That's why there are all those posts with the hearts down there...I could delete the others b/c it would accept my sign in and let me do. "You Dick" is for blogger.

3. I have to pee...really badly. The nearest "restroom" (don't know why they're called "rest" rooms, I don't go there to rest, do you?) is all the way across the building. By the time I go and come back to my office, I have to pee again.

4. My cell phone service sucks ass. I mean, not literally of course, because if it did at least it would have one functional element. I mean, it just absolutely never works. It's been even worse since AT&Suck merged with Suckular. According to CrapT&T, it's my phone. Despite the fact that this has happened w/every phone I've ever owned, it's the phone.

"If it was the service, we'd have a line all the way out the door."--smartass ASuck&T/Cingucrap salesperson who wanted to die by strangulation.

I need a new one. Can't get a new one w/out crossing over to Cingusuck and getting...that's right...a whole new plan for a whole 'nother 2 years of suck service. So you see...once again I'm getting screwed. The bastards are trying to a) make me suffer with the service that sucks ass or b) convince me that I should "upgrade" and once I do that everything will be alright (when I know damn well it'll still suck). Or, I can just cancel my contract and pay the $8 billion dollar cancellation fee. Sweet.

5. I can bitch about how many things there are to bitch about but this list would be never-ending. Let's just say that the more I bitch, the more things I can think of to bitch about. Guess I'll end with the final bitch about Sharpies. Yep, those great-smelling, permanent markers of joy. I love them and I hate them and feel the need to bitch about my encounter with one today. While editing our newspaper ad with the black sharpie (color of choice for the newspaper...although I'd prefer the pastel ones) I guess I had a hand spasm or something and managed to cause the marker to do some acrobatic alley-oop, triple sowcow, reverse gainer and create an really artsy, squiggly mark down the front of my (light blue) sweater. Love it...that's shit's not coming out. Now, you could say I'm to blame for being so careless...but I'm taking the low road and blaming the damn sharpie.

awesome 

Please please please someone rip my throat out.

If this damn sore throat doesn't go away, I gladly invite someone to rip my throat out. Freakin' flu sucks ass. I mean, I haven't had it this bad in years. Waa waa, I know but maybe you'll catch it from reading this post and then you'll know how it feels and someone will have to call the "waaa-mbulance" for you. How bout that.

Items ingested in the past week for the flu:
2 tablets of dayquil
2 tylenol
2 more tablets of dayquil
alka-seltzer cold stuff
theraflu
2 more tablets of dayquil
more alka-seltzer
more theraflu
2 tablets of advil cold and sinus
2 more advil
2 more advil
nyquil
nyquil
nyquil
dayquil
advil
bottle of chloraseptic
n'ice

Tomorrow I'm finally caving and getting on the heavy stuff...antibiotics. I guess it's worth it. All that other crap would eventually kill me. Plus, mixing all that stuff does not do good things to the tummy. Tune in again to see if I actually make it through this flu or if it finally gets the better of me.