Delirium

I have no idea why I dragged my butt out of bed today. Woke up at about 3 am with a fever, swollen throat/tonsils, and a head/neck/back ache. Tossed and turned until 5 am when I decided I'd go scrounge for some type of pain relief. Found Alka Seltzer and some Advil. It worked for a brief period of time. Woke up miserable and got ready for work b/c my boss is out of town and so there was no one to call in sick to. Now I'm here and fading in and out of consciousness. Don't think I'm gonna make it past lunch. Think I'll go home.

Just so happens today is the day that some people (friends of friends) decide to come "visit" me so I can help them out. So I got to do some favors for some people too.

Head is seriously aching despite the DayQuil overload.
Back of neck also aches.
Throat is swollen and does not allow swallowing.
Feel sweaty and cold all at the same time.
Feeling a bit dizzy and medicine-heady.
Wonder if I can drive all the way home without crashing head on into something or someone.
Will attempt this in 15 minutes.

Appetizing

So, there's this billboard that I pass everyday on the way to and from work that makes me ask "WTF?" everyday. It's for a local restaurant...is it good? Don't know, haven't been there, but according to the billboard it gives you gas. What does it say you ask? It reads:

"Burp and your friends will want to smell it."

Does that make you want to eat there?

Lame reconstruction of a great lost post

Thought vortex in my head, can't come up with anything cool to write about. Always looking for interesting things to happen around me so I can write about them. Either nothing good ever happens or I'm not very observant. Could just be that I'm one of those people with off-timing. Ya know, everything interesting happens about 10 seconds after I'm gone. Either way...I miss all the good stuff. Doesn't really matter because my witty banter leaves me everytime I try to post something on my blog. And to think, I have always aspired to be a creator of literary...well, somethings. Even if it's literary crap...ah well, I did have some pretty interesting dreams last night.

Dream #1:
I could have been in Utah or on Jupiter for all I know...I just know it was alot of nothing and there were soldiers surrounding me. Don't know what kind of soldiers, but they were wearing camo. Anyway, I must have made a sudden move because one of the soldiers raised his gun and pulled the trigger. Lucky for me, the gun jammed. So then, of course, all the others tried to fire at me. As luck would again have it, all guns jammed. Then they all threw their guns down (surprise...my dream is like one of those bad, predictable action movies) and voila! I bust out the kung-fu-tae-kwon-do-"crouching tiger, hidden dragon"- martial arts type moves and start kicking some soldier butt. It's like that scene in "Kill Bill" where the Bride is kicking ass left and right. Except I had no sword (nor sword-fighting skills to my knowledge...note to self: next dream acquire sword and sword-fighting skills). All was going my way until one of those bastards came at me and stabbed me in the neck with, not one, but five tranquilizer darts. I know, what a dick. I remember getting weak and that's all. Guess that's what happens when you watch "House of Flying Daggers" before bed. Cool.

Dream 2:
I'm in some type of airplane (small twin engine or something) and everything's fine...we're cruising along . Then all of a sudden all the gauges start "beep beep beep"-ing like crazy. First I feel and then I see that we are plummeting nose first towards the ground below. I can see out the front windshield that the ground is coming closer and closer. Then, right before impact, the pilot pulls up and away from our impending death. Just when I think "Whew, that was close" BAM! SPLASH! right into the ocean that appeared out of no where. Not sure what ocean or where it was before (as I don't remember any body of water) but there we were, crashing right into it. That's all I remember.

Crazy.

TO DO:
1. Learn crazy flying-through-the-trees-style martial arts (and others too I guess).
2. Stay away from twin engine planes and magically appearing bodies of water.

Why why why

Am. so. pissed. right. now. Wrote what I thought was the first interesting blog and guess what happened when I hit "publish"? You know what happened, it has happened to you before and surely pissed you off too. Damn that "This page cannot be displayed" crap. I hate it, it should at least let you hit the back button and everything you spent so much time on should still be there, waiting for you... saying "It's ok, all is not lost, I am still here". Where the hell does that go anyway? Seems like it always happens when you (and by you I mean me) write something good. I know, you're probably thinking, "Sure it was good. You can say it was good, but we'll never know because it's gone. Could have been crap for all we know." Let's just say I liked it and now I'm mourning the death of my post.

TO DO:
1. Rewrite good post with less enthusiam and cleverness so that audience (ha!) thinks am a liar.

To key or not to key....

Well...today is a day for a rant. You see, I came into work this morning rarin' to go, especially because I thought today couldn't be nearly as bad as yesterday was. Guess that's what I get for thinking. It started out ok but then my boss comes in (he's a really cool guy, so it wasn't accusatory or anything) and he says "Where's my laptop?" I didn't know if we were playing a game or what so I said "I don't know, where is it? Did you take it home?" Nope, surely not as he never does any work at home. Well, apparently someone broke into our office between the time I left yesterday and the time I got here this morning and stole his computer and printer. Nothing else in the office...just those two things. The thing about our office is...there's no way to get in or out of here after 6:00 PM or before 6:00 AM. We are an office within a fortress basically and so the only way someone could get in is if it were an "inside job"...love that, now everyone's a detective. So, no one saw anybody and the lock wasn't broken so it had to be someone with a key (unless the door was left unlocked...and that's a no). So, since it was a fortress before you can imagine it now. There are about 5 doors to go through to get into my office...now every single one of them requires a key. What's that you ask? Do I have the keys to those doors? No. I do not. Now, when I asked the ever so polite "keeper of the keys" if I could have a set he said "for what?" Hmm...I don't know...TO GET IN TO MY OFFICE MAYBE! And his reply "Oh no...I'll be here in the morning or the other managers will." SO, what you're saying is that everytime I come in in the morning, or go to lunch, or go to the bathroom, or have to go to the damn fax machine or whatever I have to then come get you so you can hold my hand and open all the doors for me. How annoying is that?!?! Ahh trust...gotta love it. Funny thing is...why would I steal something from my own office? What a load of crap.

Maddening Despair

The tide within me washes upon the shore of my soul,
drawing it out and engulfing me in a wave of misery.
I try to draw a breath,
suffocating on harsh realities.
I cannot swim in this vast pool of sorrow,
I only struggle to stay afloat.
The now tainted beach mocks my vulnerability.
Ominous clouds and ebony sky loom overhead,
Forbidding my heart to fill its void.
I am banished to this wasteland, worlds away from hope.
I am the destroyer, the tormented.
I must reteach myself to swim,
fighting the currents which yearn to pull me under.
Only then will the shore be salvation
and the storm shall pass.
Time is my greatest foe.

I am lost in a sea of maddening despair.

Escape into Reality

Crawling through the dank abyss with no end in sight,
I feel the dread crushing me, as I look feverishly from left to right.
The ebony that surrounds me masquerades every sound.
I can feel the presence closing in yearning for me to be found.
Then all at once I feel the glacial hands that seize my face,
and the voice that rasps into my ear, "Welcome to OUR place".
The scream that begins to form lodges itself inside my throat,
as the hands that grasped me disappear and I begin to float.
I feel a ripple in the air as my movements disturb the force,
who has begun to swiftly navigate my course.
I feel my sanity slipping with every rush of air,
abruptlyI''m brought to a halt, then catapulted into nowhere.
Now the terror that replaced the previous feeling of dread,
ebbs as I awake falling from my harmless, familiar bed.

Copyright ©2004 Kelli L. Thompson

So sad...

I just can't even believe how sad this whole thing is. How lucky so many were to have made it through this horrible tragedy.

Riddle me this

Riddle #1
A voice said to you "Coconuts, $5 a dozen" With your lightning quick arithmatic you calculated that if you sold those same coconuts to the coconut air assault team for the going rate of $3 per dozen that in no time at all you would be a millionare. When I met you 15 seconds ago you told me the words you've just read. I ain't trying to be nosy but now that you've drug me this far, explain your math or quit lyin' and tell me your TRUE financial status!


Riddle #2
You're sitting at a bar, an explosively-dank hole in Funky Town USA.You have an award that says, most likely to be the character in a riddle . . . looking around your attention finds a small chair with a mobile entity covering it with it's lesser half . . . It speaks, you hear "Glass of water please . . . " You see the bartender examine the seated man for a moment. He then reaches under the counter and pulls out a shotgun point-blank in the man's face. The seated man speaks again "Thank You" he says, and walks out of the bar . . . why did the man get what he needed?

Any takers??

Exit only?

I don't get it. You've seen those doors that have the "exit only" signs right? They're above the door on the inside. How in the hell would people on the outside of that door know that it's exit only? I mean, would they even try to go in that door in the first place? What about us on the inside that see the sign...we are already inside so of course the only use we have for that door is to exit through it. Sure, there's the occasional rebel who tries to go in the out door (and vice versa)...but ha ha, the joke's on them because that door is locked on the outside.

There was something I was gonna say...

so here's what I'm thinkin for today...I'll actually say something. anything. doesn't matter because as far as I can tell I'm the only one who looks at this thing. it's fine, of course. i don't expect everyone to scan through all these blogs and stop when they get to mine because "damn that blog is awesome!" but i digress...i was actually going to talk about something. aww, crap...i'm outta time. well, another day then.

Damn insensitive restaurants...

When you go to a restaurant on the weekends and it's busy they start a waiting list. They start calling out names, they say "Dufrane, party of two. Dufrane, party of two." And if no one answers they'll say their name again. "Dufrane, party of two, Dufrane, party of two." But then if no one answers they'll just go right on to the next name. "Bush, party of three." Yeah, what happened to the Dufranes. No one seems to give a shit. Who can eat at a time like this - people are missing. You fuckers are selfish....the Dufranes are in someone's trunk right now, with duct tape over their mouths, and they're hungry. Bush, search party of three, you can eat when you find the Dufranes.

Oh man...talk about bizarro. That's nasty! 

And now Deep Thoughts....

Despair is like a cable that is buried just under the surface of the ground. You pull it up and pull it up, but that cable just keeps right on going, clear across a field, until you come to a bunch of guys who are burying the cable. Then just walk up to them and go, "Hey, have you seen Fred?" And they'll say, "Fred who?" And you say, "Fred of snakes?" Then cover your ears, because big laughs are coming.

If we were only all this clever... 

Pringles

I think that the Pringles company was supposed to make tennis balls. But on the day the rubber was supposed to show up, a truckload of potatoes arrived. I think the Pringles people were so laid back they just said, "Fuck it...cut 'em up".

What the....?

I think I saw bizarro me the other day...crazy.