ACL baby!

So I decided to say "Screw it, I need some fun!" I'm going to Austin City Limits festival and I'm super duper stoked!! I can't wait... Coldplay, Widespread Panic, Jason Mraz, Black Crowes, Allman Brothers, Drive By Truckers, Robert Randolph, Gov't Mule...and so many more. I can't wait!! September 22nd I'll be on a plane to Austin! Well, just thought I'd share the excitement!

Oh, I borrowed this from jess and it's so worth the time! Me? I got a 91...not too shabby!

The human bulldozer

That's right...step right up. Hurry hurry! You've never seen anything like this before folks. Come one, come all to witness the phenomena that is "The Human Bulldozer"!!

She paves the way so her (insert rude word) ass can get through any spot, tight or not!!
She shoves and pokes, get out of her way!!
She mumbles "excuse me" without really meaning it to get by!!

This, my lovely friends, is this dumb ass beotch that I work with. It's only once a week that I'm grazed (yes, grazed) with her presence. This girl... damn I kinda wanna punch her in the face. But only enough to let her know that she's annoying me and everyone else at work. She's rude, she's bossy, and she's downright uh.... well just a freakin' bitch.

For example, here I am in the middle of a slammed Friday night, getting my drinks for a table...minding my own business when she comes plowing through. There's no waiting for her, oh no...throw patience to the wind! And she walks right up behind you...and pokes you in the freakin' kidneys with her stupid finger three times. UGHHH! That pissed me off!!!! Then, next time around, she does the hand on the back thing, but not nicely...it's a definite shove. And it's not just me...one of the other girls gets pissed and tells her to back off. To which the bulldozer replies "Dude, just chill." Uhh...I'm so not your "dude". You and I...we're not on "dude" terms, k? Thanks.

So (and she's a hostess at the restaurant and this is part of her job) I tell her "The kid at table 6 spilled his coke, could you please get the mop?" She looks at me a bit defiantly (even though I said it as nicely as possible) and goes over there. I walk by and say thanks and she says "Yeah, you should be thankful." To which I reply "Excuse me?!?!" And I get a "Just kidding" all snotty like. I about knocked her damn look off her face. But I don't think that people in the restaurant are fond of bloodshed... at least not til after they're finished eating.

I mean, whatever she is doing is automatically the most important thing in the world and you have to clear a path or she'll clear it for you. I mean, common courtesy is when I and someone else are about to cross paths...I pause so they can go ahead. Her? Oh no...there's no courtesy pause. She'll knock you down, I swear it. I honestly don't even think I'm doing her justice with my description. It's unbelievable. There are times when I know I'm not in her way but she plows through me just because. It's like "I'm gonna be walking in that area in like 20 minutes, so excuse me!!"

And while I'm on the subject of the nuts at work....here's a little tidbit from the owner of the restaurant. He's like a jekyll and hyde. One minute he's calm...but if you piss him off....talk about Sybill! And let's just say he's not really what you and I like to call a "people person". He told this old man to go to hell. Actually...I take that back, he didn't tell him....he screamed it at him. I mean, the old man was being a jerk and it was pretty funny, but shit...see what I have to deal with;)? He's thrown money back at people and told them to get the fuck outta there, he called this man an alcoholic, pretty much a nut.

So, I had to vent a bit...but it actually is pretty funny. All of it. Entertaining to say the least...plus the money is sweet. Damn people are crazy!

Can't a girl catch a break?

Well, sorry people but here we go again. Pity...party of 1! I'm beginning to wonder what the reason is. You know the "everything happens for a reason" reason? See...if one more shitty thing happens I'm gonna have to bust some chops. I won't go into the detail about all this, but lets just say this crap has got to stop.

Now, I know all about karma and all that good stuff, but I like to think that I should have a flood of good karma coming my way. I'm super nice to people, I do things for other people all the time (and don't boast about it...I actually enjoy it), I have what I like to think is a great heart. So what the hell?? I'm wondering if the karma fairy might be saving it all up for me so that I become the girl who won the lottery eight times in one year, mistakenly discovered the cure for cancer (and anuerysms), ended world hunger and poverty, and created peace throughout the world. I mean shit...I'm bound to at least get one of the above.

Have you guys ever played that "what good luck, what bad luck game?" I actually think I posted about it once....yeah, here it is. Well, here's another one that fits in there:
What good luck...I got a pretty cool job offer
What bad luck...the pay sucks and it's only part time.

Thing is...I'm probably making more money waiting tables and mooching off the government than I did when I had a "real" job. My ex boss called me the other day and our conversation was a little something like this:

Me: Hello?
Him: Well, congratulations.
Me: Huh?
Him: I'm calling to congratulate you.
Me: Uh, for what?
Him: I heard (ad agency) hired you for the job you'd been wanting.
Me: Oh really?
Him: Yeah, that's awesome.
Me: Funny, if they hired me, they forgot to tell me about it.
Him: What do you mean?
Me: Uhhh, I mean if they hired me no one told me. I'm not working there.
Him: Really?!?! Well...but...I mean I heard it from a reliable person. It didn't sound like gossip or anything.
Me: Well, then if your source is reliable I'd better go pick up my paycheck.

Nice huh? And to top it all off...the owner of the company I used to work for came into eat at the restaurant I'm working at and sat in my section. Awesome. So embarrassing. I also wanted to smack him upside the head.

Oh well...things I know will get better, but this is my place for depressing, boring, or excited rants. Too bad they've all been pretty depressing lately. I'm hoping that's gonna change here pretty quick.Until then...I'm out.

Enough with the doom and gloom already

I'm tired of it all so I decided that I'm now taking the "glass half full" approach.

I moved back to this city (that I'm not totally crazy about) for a reason. It was meant to be. My mom got sick and I was able to be here for it. Now I'm unemployed (well...I don't have a "real" job) but I think that's for the same reason. I'm able to spend this time with my mom and that's important. Regardless of what happens in the very near future at least I'll always have this time right now that I've gotten to spend with her. I'm not sure what's going to happen although we got a pretty good idea. That's about it on that.

I think I finally have figured out why I can't find a job. And all this time I've been wondering what the hell was wrong. I found it. According to Emily Post’s book “The Etiquette Advantage in Business” here's some key interview info:

"Never wear anything sloppy, tight or revealing to an interview(Oh crap...so the women interviewers don't live the cleavage shot?)
High-quality, tailored business suits are always appropriate for both men and women. And don’t forget the details: Make sure your shoes and accessories are clean and polished(I KNEW I shouldn't have worn my dress pumps on that hike through the desert! They looked sorta black still.)
Clothes may make the (wo)man, but hair and hygiene are crucial(Here we go). You never want an interviewer to smell you before they see you, so always bathe the morning of the interview(D'oh!!!! Bathe, bathe, bathe...my new mantra), use a good-quality bath soap and deodorant(so for us poor people...if we can't afford "good-quality" then we're screwed because if it isn't good quality then we won't get a job and if we don't get a job then we won't be able to bathe with "good quality" toiletries... a tautology if I've ever heard one;), and avoid wearing perfume or cologne(shit, there goes the alternative to bathing)."

I guess I should probably stop talking about how big of a jackass by ex boss was too;)

So you see people, I've been doing it all wrong. Now if I can just remember this stuff I could be a CEO by next week! Still hot on the trail of my dream job...I can see it just over the horizon, just a few more miles to go.

My favorite thing though, is when people say "With your background and education, you shouldn't have any problems finding a job." Oh really? You'd think that wouldn't you? I guess if I wanted any old job I could have one by now but I figure "Hey, this is a good time to be picky...I'm actually doing pretty well for myself."

I never did get to talk about my super fun lake trip...it was a blast. Was forced to listen to spanish "cumbia" music on the way up. Almost went nuts from that. We jet skiied, we partied, we got a little stoopid. Got attacked by bees, wasps, hornets. Almost let the jet ski float out in the middle of the lake. Lost sunglasses in the lake. Found said sunglasses with my knee in the lake 5 hours later. Here's a slight picumentary for you all.
The sky was beautiful on the way up and since I was being tortured by the music of the gays, I needed to keep myself occupado.

Another shot from the car...what a great day for the lake!

Now, as you can see I was bored. This was at the checkpoint into New Mexico. Ain't it a beaut?!

The Big Drink. Elephant's Butt (Elephant Butte) in beautiful Truth or Consequences, NM. Gotta love the name of the town. Trailer parks as far as the eye can see and rotten fish as far as the nose can smell.

"Hey, I think that rope is stuck in the jet ski propeller." Oh yeah, you bet I did that. That's me, the driver. With the red flag and the broken jet ski (that isn't mine).

"No hard feelin's...right guys? Right?" Took about an hour and a half and a case a beer to get that piece of crap blue rope out of the propeller! And yes, they did let me drive it later.

The sandcastle I built while waiting for the guys to fix the jet ski I broke and almost ruined the trip! Awesome!

So, there's a little bit of my trip...sorry I didn't get pictures of my friend doing a naked fire dance and then leaping over the fire and singeing his....well, it wasn't his eyebrows if you know what I mean.

Peace, I'm outta here.