English as a second language, dumb questions, and I'm an idiot

Since we're kind of on the subject (or I am anyway) of people messing up lyrics, words, etc. I thought it would be a good time to talk about another friend of mine who can never get sayings correct. Now, I must say that when I met her at the age of 4, she spoke no english. She was a spanish-speaker all the way (of course, in college we took a spanish placement test and I scored higher than her, so I don't know if she can still use that as an excuse). SO anyway, she always gets sayings wrong and it makes me laugh everytime and then she'll look at me like "What's so funny? Help me out here, how does it go?" Here are some of my favorites:
The whole 1o yards instead of the whole 9 yards
Trust that instead of top that
Catch 23 instead of Catch-22
In the split of a moment instead of in a split second
88 instead of 86
Go the extra 9 miles instead of go the extra mile
In like Flint instead of in like Flynn
What's all the hoop about? instead of What's all the hype about?

Stuff to ponder:
How do "do not walk on grass" signs get there?
What was Captian Hook's name before he had a hook for a hand?
Do Jewish vampires avoid crosses or Stars of David?
If Hooters were to become a door-to-door service would they have to change their name to Knockers?
When French people swear do they say pardon my English?
Why did Yankee Doodle name the feather in his hat Macaroni?
Isn't Disney World just a people trap operated by a mouse?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in mother in law, they come out to Woman Hitler?
Why do they put the names of football teams on baseball caps?
If I had my legs amputated, would I have to change my height and weight on my driver's license?
How come you pay an extra 25 cents to get something put on your hamburger but they don't take off the price if you get something taken off?
Why do they call the small candy bars the "fun sizes"? Wouldn't be more fun to eat a big one?

Why I'm an idiot(B and I would really get along, think keys):
I had messages on my cell phone and since my phone doesn't work very well at work, I was going to call from my office phone and check the messages. So, I call my voicemail on my cell phone from my office phone and then I notice my cell phone is ringing and it's my work calling. SO I pick up my cell phone and say "Hello"...nothing. Yeah, it was me. I was the one calling my cell phone...in order to check my messages. What an idiot. This is one of those times I'd stamp my own forehead.