They forgot to tell me it rained up here

So, we've been having some crazy weather... as a lot of the other parts of the country have had, I know. The thing is, I come from the desert and I have yet to understand what this cold, wet stuff is falling from the sky in sheets is. Anybody have any ideas? Apparently it causes people to drive ridiculously and without any defense whatsoever... I'm going to google this phenomenon and see what I come up with.

On another note... apparently the meth problem in this area of the country is out of control. I actually read the other day that legislation that banned the sale of cold and allergy medicines to just any Joe Blow without signing something (or something) has actually increased the amount of meth sold/used here. Nice going. Now the Mexican mafia has a hold on yet another drug market. What's up with that? Billy Joe Bob and Bubba Jean just don't have the smarts necessary to cook it up and sell it off... they end up smokin' the stash or blowing themselves up.

There was a story in the paper from my neighboring community where a man, just admitted into the training program for a local police department, was practicing taking apart his gun (albeit not one issued by PD yet) and "accidentally" shot his wife in the stomach. Talk about bad timing. I'm not discounting the story or anything... but I'd say his chances of making "Model student" status are all but shot (no pun intended).

And finally, I've made my way around the city of Portland, though I've barely even scratched the surface here. There are some fantastic places, some great eateries, some cool ass stores, and some crazy bars... neither rain nor rain nor rain keeps people inside at home. I need to get used to that and stop thinking of it as "cozy, stay at home on the couch and watch a movie weather" otherwise I'm destined to be a hermit for the entire expanse of winter!

And that folks, is all for now.

Hello from the NW

SO, if there is anyone out there... and if they happen to think about reading this ever again... I am in Oregon and settled and loving every second of it! It's fantastic up here and can't think of a better choice I could have made! Anyway... wanted to give a shout out to the blogosphere and see if anyone shouts back. Hope all is as well as it is right here.

Greener pastures

Well, for those you still paying attention out there... I am moving. I got a job in Oregon and am moving to Portland at the end of this month!!! Persistence and dedication (to getting out of a city you don't want to be in) really pay off! I'm SO excited and a little overwhelmed, but I can't wait!! This is really going to be the beginning of something fantastic. Something I've been feeling needed to happen for a long time is finally happening... I can't wait!

"You're so beautiful, you could be a part-time model... but you'd probably still have to keep your normal job"

If you have not yet witnessed the genuis that is "Flight of the Conchords", I have to say... what the hell is wrong with you!? Honestly, one of the greatest new shows (not to mention, greatest shows period) out there! In honor of FOTC, I have gathered up some of my all time favorite quotes for your reading pleasure. Until I regain the unique brilliance that was my writings of the past (oh, come on...) I am using cheap, recycled material!!

• "You don't call retarded people retards. It's bad taste. You call your friends retards when they are acting retarded" -- Michael Scott, "The Office"
• "A eugoogalizor, one who speaks at funerals. Or did you think I'd be too stupid to know what a eugoogoly was?" --Derek Zoolander, "Zoolander"
• "You look like a cholo dressed up for Easter." --Pete, "Knocked Up"
• "Oh great, an abandoned psychiatric hospital! Now I can get Hepatitis!" -- Shrader, "Accepted"
• (One of my favorite exchanges) Lloyd: What are the chances of a guy like you and a girl like me... ending up together? Mary: Well, that's pretty difficult to say. Lloyd: Hit me with it! I've come a long way to see you, Mary. The least you can do is level with me. What are my chances? Mary: Not good. Lloyd: You mean, not good like one out of a hundred? Mary: I'd say more like one out of a million. [pause] Lloyd: So you're telling me there's a chance. -- "Dumb and Dumber"
• "So I was sitting in my cubicle today, and I realized, ever since I started working, every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means that every single day that you see me, that's on the worst day of my life. "-- Peter Gibbons, "Office Space"

Those are just a few... there are way too many other good quotes out there and I just don't have the time (since it's almost time to get the funk outta Dodge) to think of them all. Don't worry, one of these days, when I have nothing interesting to say... I'll put some more on here. So, then... tomorrow it is!

What's your 20?

I have been on hiatus... and no guarantee that I'm back for good, but it was funny going back and reading my blog after all these years. The boredom set in so I decided I'd recall fond memories of the blogging community. I did notice that much of my posts began with "I went to this party last night..." or "I went out drinking..." Ahhh... to be young again;)

It's weird to be writing on here again. I feel like the cleverness I used to possess and was so inspired by my fellow bloggers is no longer present! And now, I shall give a short life update.

What I'm doing:

• Still working at the same place... it's going well and taking me to Ft. Lauderdale next week!
• Currently in the process of watching 6 Feet Under, as I never watched it during it's run.
• Just started dating a good prospect... that's all I'll say
• Still seeing as many movies as possible
• Reading lots o' books
• Lots of other stuff that's cool and impressive;)

What I'm wearing:

• Currently, I'm wearing about 2 sizes smaller than I was 6 months ago!
• My hair is super dark and I'm wearing it mid-length with an undercut
• Braces... STILL... and now I get to look even more like a 14 year old girl because I have rubber bands!

What I'm saying:

• Apparently, I like to say "apparently" alot
• I cannot stop saying "no worries"... what am I, Australian?
• Holla! I know... just shoot me now!
• (This may not count, because I only said it once) Boo ya. Yes. I said that.

Where I'm living:

• Still in good 'ol El Paso... hoping that changes sometime in the near future.
• Living in some swanky digs (i.e. some new apartments that are way to expensive for this city) with my longtime best friend
• Planet Earth

What else is happening:

• All of my friends are off in other cities and I'm left here solo to dwell on life's little shit bombs
• I've started writing a book and have some fantastic ideas that are flowing like red, hot, molten lava
• I'm starting to freelance writing and graphic design
• I've become a "Competent Communicator"... nuff said
• I have finally become a woman (made you reread that, didn't I?)

And that, my friends, is all she wrote. Boo ya.

Fast is over!!

I have never been so happy in my life. Why? List of reasons (small as they may be!):

a) It's Friday
b) It's casual Friday
c) It's casual Friday where I get off early
d) It's casual Friday where I get off early to go to happy hour
e) It's casual Friday where I get off early to go to happy hour because THE FAST IS OVER!!!

Damn it feels good to be a gansta.

Fast is Slow

Well, I've been committed to the idea of becoming super healthy and fit (in the quickest amount of time possible) and the first step on that road was the Fast Track One-Day Detox Diet. Contrary to what the title actually says, it is NOT one day. It is actually an 11 day plan filled with organic things and weird spices I've never heard of.

You should have seen us at the grocery store. We (my roommate and I) looked like a couple of idiots searching for daikon radish sprouts and asking people how you choose a "good looking" bok choy. I still don't know. I'm actually on day 8 and going strong. The thing is...it's a TON of cooking and preparation and baking and all kinds of crap that I'm really not used to. I have just about had it with the cooking of the weird foods (i.e. Omega-3 spread which includes blended sardines with bones...ick!)

Well, as I mentioned, I'm on day 8...Fast Day. My question is, why call it a fast? It goes by so damn slow!!! I'm alternating 8 oz of water and 8 oz of "miracle juice" every hour. Fun stuff. I think when I get home I'm going to knock myself out so that the thoughts of Friday (when the diet is officially over) happy hour/chips and salsa don't overtake me. Yeah, I know I said I was "committed to the idea of becoming super healthy and fit" but salsa has lots of vegetables and my beer will definitely have a lime in it.

Is anybody out there?

It has been waaaaaay too long since I've posted anything on here. I don't know if anyone is still out there, but this is a "check 1-2" to the blogosphere. As for having anything to say, I don't but I'm thinking I will one of these days. When I do, I wanna have the luxury of this blog to force my opinions upon the world;)!

The Windy City

So, I was going to post this last week...but then the floods came and that took precedence. You'll be happy to know that we have (somewhat) dried up a bit and are now working towards rebuilding.

On another note, I had my trip to Chicago and I just have to say that it was probably one of the best trips ever...and yes it was even work related! I met the coolest people and we basically did it up right in Chi-Town. We left no stone unturned and no bed slept in. I met Ditka (got a photo with him and told him I loved him in "Kicking and Screaming" to which he got a good laugh and replied "Now THAT'S funny!"), hit almost every bar downtown (or so it felt like), ate great food, had too many laughs and too much to drink, and somewhere in there I managed to attend some of the presentations that were work related...only to look around at the others involved in the previous night's shenanigans and laugh at how miserable we all looked). Cruised the lake in a 3 story yacht, survived a tornado watch, and went underground to hear reggae in a bar where you had to cut through the band to get to the bathroom. That's the short version...the long version would probably take up WAY too much space and you'd stop reading either because the length would scare you, or the content:) I'll post some photos for your viewing pleasure though.















Remember that skit from SNL? That's in the
basement of our National office and it's all
true "No fries...chips!





Wouldn't be Chicago without this guy









For some reason...mid-post...it stopped letting me put pictures on here. I even tried a new post and did it that way. It didn't work. I'll try to put some more on here later.

Photos from the flood

Thought I'd post some photos so you could see the damage!

Streets were just collapsing because of the water getting underneath and moving the dirt

Cars trapped in the deep water

Two men set out to rescue people from the water

The Rio Grande reached dangerously high levels

A young woman was pulled out of her truck just before it took a nosedive into

the arroyo next to the street

A woman was being carried away by the rapids...luckily she was rescued.

Storm of the century

What started out as a much coveted rainy day in the city turned into a much detested torrential downpour. I was on my way to work, like any other normal day, except that the traffic was a bit heavier due to the thunderstorms that began in the wee hours of the morning. I arrived at work late, but understandably so because any water on the roads is cause for panic by the water-retarded El Pasoans.

The day began routinely, but as I sauntered into the employee lounge to get my caffeine fix, I noticed the news reports. The rain we so desperately needed kept coming and coming and coming. There was no end in sight, which is rare as usually we get rain for about 20 minutes maximum and then it disappears. This was not the case. On the news I saw areas flooding...areas that looked extremely familiar. The majority of the rains and the damages were being reported on the westside of town...quite near my house.

There was no way to get home in my car. The freeway was closing as it was flooding rapidly, the side streets were flooded over. My boss came in at 9:45 am and said "Get outta here while you can." I caught a ride with my assistant's mom in her big suburban and we barely made it. It took us 2 hours when it normally takes 15 minutes. We had to drive through flooded areas of the freeway that were so deep, the water was almost right up to the windows. Thankfully we made it before it got worse.

I saw the streets being ripped apart, people wading in water up to their waists, cars being swept down into arroyos, mudslides near my friends and relatives, dumpsters and barbecue grills being swept down the streets. The 6 month old Blockbuster video being broken down, flooded through, and its contents running into people's backyards. The Sun Harvest had produce, sodas, and other grocery items flowing out its doors and down the street. People being rescued from their cars before the raging floods swept them away. The river overflowing, arroyos breaking, the levee collapsing. People being evacuated from their homes. Something the likes of which I have never witnessed.

This city is not prepared for conditions such as this. We barely have rain. We don't have the drainage necessary and we certainly don't have the resources available for the "natural disaster"esque situation. No, it was no Hurricane Katrina. As far as I know, there were no fatalities. There was a huge amount of damage though, and to a city like this...it might as well have been a hurricane.

There has not been a storm like this in over 100 years. Amazing. I guess it's such a big deal because we've always felt like the invincible city. No hurricane, tornado, cyclone, typhoon, tsunami, or any other such thing could ever get us. But alas, the rain...it came, it saw, it kicked our asses.

Now we are in a state of emergency. How totally insane; yet, it just goes to show that anything can happen.

How 'bout a nice, cool glass of shut the hell up

"Ooh, let's go to that new store...you know the one that has all those neat things? Oh wait, but I want to go to the mall too. Have you seen that store with all the nifty little trinkets? Where do you want to eat. I heard that new place near downtown is cool. Should we eat first? Do you want to go see a movie? Would rather eat first or see the movie...or go to the mall? Or should we just skip the mall? Or maybe the movie? No, I want to see the movie...should we eat first though? If we eat first then we'll be too full for popcorn. But if we go to the movie first, we'll get full on popcorn and then won't want to eat...and I really want to go to that new restaurant."

OH. MY. DEAR. LORD.

Shut up, shut up, shut up! I don't care what we do as long as we find something to keep your mouth busy for a lengthy period of time!

It's not that this visitor isn't nice or whatever, but for the love of pete I just wanted her to shut up for 5 minutes. Not even a word in edgewise. I couldn't even answer her questions. When she finally stopped and I said nothing because I didn't know that it was my cue to speak she says "Well?" Uhhh...well what!? I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be giving an answer to anymore.

A fresh of breath air. No, that's not a typo...it's another chapter from the weekend that was the bane of my existence. Short Fat Matthew Lillard was all up in my bubble. Without permission, of course. And for the love of everything that is holy, he needed a tin of Altoids. A whole one. Smelled like he ate a can of dog farts. Note to you out there (and this is pretty much common knowledge)...if someone offers a breath mint, for god sakes TAKE IT! It's a hint, not a gesture of niceness. Short fat Matthew Lillard was not nearly as charming as I imagine The Real Matthew Lillard to be (even if he is a bit of a goof...he's a cute one). And all he could say was that he and I would be "BFF" and he just wanted to come over so he could "cuddle". I threw up in my mouth a little.

Sloppy and drunk go hand in hand...but when does it reach the "you should probably want to kill yourself now" stage? I'll tell you. When a lush "acquaintance" goes out Thursday night...doesn't sleep AT ALL...meets you for lunch wearing the same thing she wore the night before...first thing she orders is a vodka soda...proceeds to tell you and the entire table of 10 that she just had butt sex (still hasn't showered, brushed her hair or teeth)...proceeds to go to the bar with others (who have showered and slept and aren't hungover)...gets in a screaming match with a guy because he thinks she's trash (uhh...ya think?)...then invites herself over to my friends house to continue drinking (still unshowered...gag)...and keeps everyone up with her endless yapping and "I know everything about everything, let me tell you how to live your life" (yeah, i'll take your advice) until sunrise the next morning. So let's see, that's 48 hours without sleep, changing your underwear and clothes, without water touching your body, mouth, or anything else. You think it's time for a serious trip to AA? Intervention time.

On a final note...it's 95 degrees, humid, and our AC is out at work. I'm exhausted because I couldn't sleep last night. I'm going to Chicago tomorrow and have no suitcase and don't know what to take. And now ends the bitchfest:)!

4th of *yawn* July

As much as I like having holidays off, I'd kinda rather prefer to have the day after the holiday off. I mean, yes you want to bbq and all that good stuff w/friends and fam...but you have to be good and go home and to sleep early, or else be miserable the next day because you're so tired from "celebrating". Such is with the 4th. Now mind you, my 4th of July was rather uneventful but Im just looking out for the rest of you guys;)

I think I have an addiction problem. I am addicted to holing myself up at my/my friend's house and watching hour after hour of series on DVD. First it was Sex and the City, then it was Sopranos, then Gilmore Girls (I know...I didn't even think I'd like it!), now it's Entourage. I
get so enthralled that I don't care what time it is or how much time I've wasted...it's like this need to find out what happens in the next episode. I love Entourage, even though it's probably more of a "guy's" show...I can't help it. I finished off the second season last night and what happens is that I can't stand waiting to watch the episodes like normal people who watch it once a week. I get too antsy? Is this some kind of sickness? Or do I just have no life and the only thing of interest in my life happens on the TV shows I watch? Lame.

Still liking the jobby job. Lots of craziness and being super busy, but still good nonetheless. I think I'm getting a raise too!! That's what I was told by a few people, although I don't know how much and I'm not sure if they have to wait for my 6 month review(?) Either way, that's pretty cool. I'll be off to Chicago in a couple of weeks and then after that, only one month until the 6 month review...so it's not that far off.

Hope things are all good in bloggerland...until we meet again!

Into open arms...

Thanks guys and gals...for making me feel right back at home in bloggerland:) I never had a doubt! It's good to hear (or see) some familiar names here, just like old friends! I should be working right now (story of a blogger's life huh?) but I can't seem to focus on anything right now.

I need to be schmoozing with local politicians and getting ready to help with some campaigning. I should also be working on our website, creating a new ad for next week, putting together a media package, getting our newsletter ready, sending out a press release, and coming up with talking points for a big local "issue" that has arisen in our city. As you can see, my job is quite the smorgasbord of activities. Always busy, don't have a chance to be bored or blog or do anything else we're supposed to have time to do at work!

No, I don't work "in" politics per se, but am involved in them quite heavily in my position at the organization where I work. I stepped into an entirely new arena in my career. Yes, I'm still doing the creative and advertising stuff, but I'm also in charge of governmental affairs. Never knew I'd like doing anything involving politics but I guess we learn something new about ourselves all the time!

So, I just needed to goof off for a little while and let the whirlwind in my head clear out and put all those things into "thought files" for now. Then I can take them out one by one and bust it all out. Oh yeah....and did I tell you I have an ASSistant now!?! Sweet!

How time flies

Wow, it has been so long...so long in fact that I'm sure no one is even going to see this because by now people have definitely stopped checking in:)! What to even say, feels weird even writing on my blog now. I was so "addicted" for so long and then BAM! So here I am after all this time with I don't know how much to say.

My job is awesome...I love it. My boss who was super cool left and we've since hired someone new. He's very laid back and really knows his stuff, which is good. Plus, he was talking about giving people more money, so that's always a bonus. We're still in the transition period because he has to finish up his old job and get moved here. Being without a boss after only having been there a month was a little rough at first, because you're still learning and then all of a sudden the person you were learning from leaves. But I managed to basically make it on my own which has worked out. Lots of red tape where I work, but I still really love it.

The rest of my life hasn't changed too much. No new men in the picture, but that's to be expected with the city I live in. There's just no men. Actually, I'm having fun being single and just hanging out with my friends while I can. I don't have any problems with it, because who knows how long I'll get to do it. I'm probably having more fun than I've had in a long time. A good friend moved back into town and he is probably the funniest person I've ever met, so I like to hang out with him and give him crap.

Other than that, no big news in my life. Same 'ol same 'ol with a few twists and turns. I get to go to Chicago at the end of July for work, which should be cool. Then I'm really going to ACL this year...I swear I am. Get to go to New Orleans too. It's sad though, because I never went before Katrina and I know it will never be the same as it was. Sucks to not have been able to experience it pre-hurricane.

Hope all you little kiddies in bloggerland are being good and doing well. Catch you all later!

Holy crap in a bucket

So, I haven't written anything in quite awhile and I figured while I had 2 seconds free I'd post.

Let's just say that my new job is AWESOME! It's kicking my ass all over the place, but is everything I wanted! Just goes to show that things do happen for a reason. I've got more things to do in a day so that even if I wanted to blog at work there'd be no way I'd have time. It is totally amazing!

I managed to get in a trip to Portland (I had it planned before I started and they were cool with it) and that was so much fun! What a beautiful city. I had never been there before and the amount of green there is unbelievable. Of course, I live in the desert so any green is a lot;)

Went to Multnomah Falls and it was just breathtaking. If you've never been, I highly recommend it. So my plan is to get in my time with this job and really know my stuff so that I can move to Portland and people will be begging me to work for them;)!! That's the hope anyway:) Did you know you're not allowed to pump your own gas in Oregon? Weird, another reason I really need to live there.

My friend has a 4600 sq ft house in a beautiful area so I'm thinking that I could definitely do that! We went to all kinds of cool and crazy places downtown and St. Patty's Day was a madhouse. Needless to say I ended up with my face very close to a toilet on that trip (at the house though, not in public!)

Well, that's what has been going on in my life lately. Nothing and everything it seems.

Catch ya later!

When it rains it pours

So, I got a job. Yeah, I know I already said that...but I got another job. A better one! The one I really, really wanted!!

I hadn't heard from her when I took the first one and then she called and wanted me to meet w/her on Friday. She offered me the job today. It's better pay, better benefits, and a better job altogether!!

I'm totally stoked, but it's a little scary too. A lot of responsibility and exposure but I'm SO up for the challenge!! YAHOO! SO I start on Monday and have to tell this other place "too bad, so sad." It sucks to have to do that, but I have to do what's right for me!

Now my plan has really begun to come together!

Take this job and.....take it

So kiddies, I think the curse is broken. Yahoo! Yahoo fer me! What's all this "yahooing" about?

I GOT MYSELF A JOBBY JOB!

That's right, my plan is working so far. I have yet to jinx myself. Well, I won't go into too much detail right now but it seems pretty cool, pay is decent, like the peeps.

As of next Wednesday, I's be employed (for real)!

Just a little update...and enjoy my new music:)

Things are going ok over here...I making my way through all of this. I'm keeping my head up and my plan is moving forward as I hoped. As soon as everything works itself out I can explain, but I've become too superstitious of the jinx;)

I think I did some damage to my eardrum on Valentine's Day...although I have to say I probably had the best Valentine's Day...well ever!

...Despite being slightly molested by a tall, gangly fellow who insisted on buying us drinks and then took the acceptance of said drinks as an open invitation to grab me from behind, drape his arms around me and kiss me. It was certainly not invited and not wanted, but I let him know in the not so friendliest fashion that doing something like that could really get him hurt...

Then I proceeded to thoroughly enjoy the rest of my night. We went to watch a band play (myself and a bunch of friends) and I ended up right in front near the speaker (because the singer was totally cute of course) and my ear is, as of right now, still ringing. That's when you know you're old....the music was probably too loud from my old eardrum;)

We spent the rest of the evening laughing till our faces and our stomachs hurt. I don't think I've laughed that hard in ages, I really needed it. It was a blast. Is it ironic that the best Valentine's I've ever had was as a singleton? Nah...I don't think so.

SO I hope everyone is doing well...I may have visited your sites lately but I haven't really been commenting at all. Just wanting to keep up slightly with all of you and hope things are good.

Oh, and check this out....ridiculous!(click on "watch this movie")

Until next time.

Outlook good

Thanks to everyone for all of your support throughout this difficult time, I know I keep saying it, but I just want to make sure you all know how much it means.

Well, I think that I've come out of this whole thing with a new outlook on life. I just mean that my life is right now. It's not in 6 months or in a couple of years. I've found that for the past year or so my life has been a series of "waiting rooms". I have constantly been waiting for something to happen and if I'm ever going to have a life of my own, I need to take some action.

I still have my moments of sadness where I feel like I just don't want to do anything, but those are few. I know how proud my mother is of me and I want to keep her proud. I have a plan and I have implemented a part of it so far. I don't want to give away details because it seems like when I speak of things, I jinx myself, so I'm going to keep this under wraps until it happens. Let's just say that if I shook a magic 8 ball it would say "Outlook Good."

Well, my mother passed away yesterday afternoon. I know she is in peace now and has no more pain, which is comforting but I can't even describe what this is like. That's all I can really say right now, but wanted to thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. Friends have really helped me get through this and I do consider you all friends. Thank you.

Nearing the end

Well, they've taken my mom off of every medication except morphine. They're giving her as much of that as she can handle I think. I don't know how much morphine is ALOT of morphine, but she's getting about 20 mg/hr. When she first went into the hospital, I think they were giving her 4? I know she's getting alot, which is good because the goal is to make her comfortable.

Of course, we don't know how much time she has left...but I'm guessing it's only a matter of days. It's just so hard to watch it happen when I know how she wouldn't want people to see her like this. She was always made up, with her hair all cute and a cute little outfit. I know she wouldn't want people seeing her like this. It's so frustrating.

As for me, it's really hard to go about my life when all of this is happening. I have no choice really. I mean, I have an interview tomorrow and I have dental appointments and it all feels so insignificant. I'm sure that's how most people feel during a time like this, but it's so surreal.

I'm just completely in limbo right now. I feel blessed that I had all the time to spend with my mother after I lost my job. But now, I'm up shit creek without a paddle because unemployment is gone and my current waiting job can't cut it alone. I'm looking harder than ever, but at the same time...how much motivation can I feel when all this is going on? Rock...hard place...me in the middle.

I know I'll get through this and things will turn out ok....but it's so hard to see all the way to that point from where I am right now. Thanks to everyone again for caring so much.

Not getting any better

Well, things are not getting any better....as a matter of fact they seem much more bleak now.

I've come to terms with the inevitable. I mean, of course I will be devastated when it happens, but I know it's going to and she will no longer be in pain. That's what's killing me. Just sitting there day after day watching her moan in pain...even in her sleep.

It's too hard on my dad too....DB said in my comments on the previous post that you find yourself wishing it would just be over for your own sake as well as theirs. It's true, and I never thought I'd feel that way. I mean, she's mom...mom's are invincible right? We always think that way until something like this jabs us in the kidneys and wakes us up to real life.

I guess one of the biggest things is that she's not going to be around for my wedding or to see my kids. All of my siblings are (or have been married) and have children. The grandkids have gotten to know her and it's just sad that mine won't ever get to know what a wonderful grammy she is. Yes, I know that I can keep her spirit alive for them but it's still so sad.

I don't really know how much time she has left but I don't think there's much. In the meantime, I'm just sitting at the hospital picturing her as I've always known her and letting her know that I'm there and how much I love her. It really is just.....I don't even know the right word to use here....rough? unbearable? torture?

Thank you all for your very kind words and thoughts and prayers. It means the world to me. I'm not the most vocal person all the time, so this is the place where all of this comes out. Alot of this stuff I haven't even said out loud to anyone, so it feels good to get it out and know that there are actual real people on the other end.

I'll keep ya posted.

Hospitiful

I hate the fucking hospital. I'm tired of it. Although I'm sure my mom is much more tired and even saying I'm sick of it makes me feel like an ass.

We have been on an emotional roller coaster for the past week. Last Sunday my mom was just about on her last breath. The nurses and doctors said that it could be a matter of hours. My aunt came in town, my sister came in town, my brother and sister-in-law came in town. We camped out in the room. Her blood pressure was extremely low. Her blood-oxygen level was WAY below normal. She had so much congestion in her chest that she could hardly breathe.

This all came about because on Saturday night she climbed over the bed railing and fell on the floor. She's NOT allowed out of bed but has been completely obsessed with going to the bathroom. SO, when she falls out of bed three nurses came to put her back in. She was NOT happy and completely FREAKED. She screamed for 7 hours. They had to sedate her.

We thought it was the end and that she had given up. My aunt was telling us we needed to tell her it was ok to let go and say our goodbyes. There was alot of turmoil.

But then on Monday, my mom came out of it. Although she was on so many painkillers that she was hallucinating, her vitals were better. But then she started talking about how the nurses tried to kill her and asked every one of us how we could let them do that to her. Every new person that came in the room got the story and retelling of the story resulted in hysterics. This story was told about 4 times a day. It was extremely heartbreaking and wearing on the soul. But she started fighting...and eating again. She would wake up and make us laugh or ask if we were in the mall or what store we were in. How we pulled off getting her to the movies...her perception and reality were not there.

The doctor was hopeful and said if we could get her eating she might get to come home. We got her out of the bed and she sat in a chair for a few hours on Thursday night. Then Friday it was bad again. Backsliding. One step forward, two steps back. Crying all the time, vitals weren't great, wouldn't eat.

As of today, she was doing so-so. Ate a bit but pretty much cried all day long. Just sobbing. I don't know how people do this, I'm not cut out for this.

And all the while I'm thinking how I need to get out of there, I've got cabin fever. I need a break. And then I'm feeling like an asshole because at least I have a choice. She doesn't.

If you ask anyone that knows me, I'm one of the least selfish people you'd meet but I'll be damned if I don't feel like a fucking selfish bitch lately.

Why? Well, because she's not my mom. She's not the person that I've known all my life. She's a shell of a woman trapped in a pain wracked body. She's miserable, she has osteoporosis to a terrible degree, doesn't know what's going on. My sister (who lives in Phoenix and is really wonderful) just keeps saying we need to get her home. I think she's right, but then I think "Easy for you to say, you live in Phoenix. You're not the one who has to sit here and watch her deteriorate day in and day out. You're not the one who will have to feed her, bathe her, and change her."

Now what kind of fucked up person thinks like that? I mean, of course I will do anything in the world for my mother. I love her and she is the greatest woman in the world. She would do it for me. I just wish everyone else would stop for a second and think about not only how hard it will be for my mom, but for my dad and I as well. The more I write, the more fucked up I feel about it.

Like I said, I'm not cut out for this. I'm more of the "avoidance" type person. I don't deal with emotions well. I don't cry in front of people if I can help it. I can't stand to see people in pain. I hate to see my mother miserable in a hospital bed, stuck there with nurses she fears (even though my dad was there that night and knows they didn't hurt her) and the constant reminder that she might die. Which she keeps asking.

I would love to have her home with us. I mean, if/when she dies, I want her to be home because that's what she'd want. I just pray to God that I have the strength to do it.

Exhaustion

Well, I hope everyone had a fantastic Christmas. I've been out of commission for awhile, lots of stuff going on right now. The biggest thing of note though, is my mother. She's not doing too well and has been in the hospital for about a week and a half now. So she was there for Christmas, which is hard because she is one of those "Christmas people". You know, the ones that LOVE LOVE LOVE Christmas and it's a huge deal. She spent it in a hospital which sucks. She cracked her sternum a few weeks ago because her bones are so brittle from the chemo. She's been in massive pain and can't really move and so the doctor said to put her in the hospital. She's getting morphine for the pain, to manage it somewhat, but she's been having some pretty bad days. We're just all praying that it can heal and she can get out of there. Today was a good day though, so that's hopeful.

I got to be the cooker of the meal on Christmas, and let me tell you I was nervous. Why?

a) I don't really cook
b) I've NEVER cooked a meal that big, or a turkey for that matter
c) I was cooking for about 17 people and so there was a lot of pressure.

I'm happy to say that it turned out fabulous....despite the fact that my parents couldn't be there (my father has spent 24/7 in the hospital with my mom...bless his heart. Only comes home to shower.) I got tons of praise for having made "The best turkey they've ever had". I have to say, it was the best I've ever had too...so I don't think they were just saying it to be nice:) I haven't gotten much rest though between family and friends in town, visiting my mom, working like a slave, housesitting for a friend, and all the rest of the fun holiday stuff. I'm physically, emotionally, and mentally exhausted...but I'll survive. We all manage to do it and then recuperate:)

Well, I hope everyone is doing well and that you all have a super Happy New Year! Don't think mine will be too thrilling since all my friends will be gone by then, including the ones who live here going on vacation. New Year's is overrated though;) Well, talk to you guys next year! Happy 2006!!

A quick note

Braces suck! I feel like I have mini-cheese graters in my mouth shredding my lips and cheeks. Yes, I know many of you have probably had braces...so then you know that they suck!! Not only that, but I have to have a tooth pulled so they can make some room! Sonuvabitch!!

Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-chaaaanges

So, still no job. That's right people, loser alert! Kidding...kind of;)

I've been keeping in touch with the doctor man and he's working diligently to secure funding for me, although he's having a helluva time. He did give me a lead on another job though, so who knows about that one.

My friend (a pharmaceutical rep) has an opening in her company. Problem: Another girl that works in San Diego wants to transfer back here (uh...why??? I have a feeling it's the "little fish, big pond" scenario). Of course, no one here likes her and their boss, upon seeing the eye-rolling-oh-god-not-her looks, is thinking twice about bringing her back. Anyway, my resume is in.

My other friend (a teacher) has an opening at her school for first grade teacher (first grade....I know!). She and her mother (who both work at the school) are going to give me praise and build me up as much as possible so I can get in there. I can then get my alternative certification and start teaching right after Christmas. So, there's another if.

I have a good feeling about 2006 though. I mean, it's gotta be better than 2005 (although I think I said the same thing around this time last year about 2005 versus 2004). Anyway, hope my feeling is better this year!

I have finally gone back to my roots....literally. That's right peeps. I can no longer be the butt of any of the following jokes:

Q: How does a blonde spell Farm?
A: E-I-E-I-O

Q: What did the blond do when she missed the 66 Bus?
A: She took the 33 bus twice instead.

Q: Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?
A: She kept throwing away the "w"s.

Q: What you call a blonde skeleton in a closet?
A: Winner of last year's hide-and-seek contest.

You get the point. That's right...I'm now a brunette. Decided to make a change. Maybe that's what I needed.

Oh yeah, and the icing on the cake?? I'm getting BRACES on Tuesday! Yep, I said braces. So you can call me any of the following: Brace face, metal mouth, tin grin, traintracks, etc. Yippee. But when all is said and done I will have the most perfect set of teeth in the whole world (I can keep telling myself that ok;)??) I actually don't really need braces except to correct what I did to myself in 6th grade that has caused me nothing but grief for the rest of my 30 years. SO, bring the pain!!

Hmm...what else? I have completely finished my Christmas shopping, yahoo for that. It's definitely a yuletide first for me. Of course, now when everyone else needs to Christmas shop, I feel like I should be too so I end up spending more money buying an extra present here and there for everyone. Maybe that's why I never finished early?

Well, I need to try and keep up here. I noticed I went from daily writing, to about every other day or so. To maybe one a week or so. To MAYBE once a month. I just noticed lately that I have no motivation to write anything. Of course, with my new "everything is about to change for the better" plan, I will definitely have to be writing more. At least for my own sanity!!

Adios and hope everyone is enjoying this wonderful time of year (I just love it)!!!

The answer to the burning question...

I'm still waiting in the wings here for a sound "yes" on the job. I talked to him (the doctor) this past week and he said he was "almost ready for me". He needed to finish a couple of things and would let me know this next week what was going on. You know how non-profits are...SO, I'm pretty sure it's a go, but I guess we'll soon see.

On another note, it has come to my attention that I have had absolutely nothing interesting to say for awhile and didn't feel the creative juices flowing. I've attempted some posts a couple of times but ended up just staring at the screen and decided to spare everyone from the drabness occurring at this point. Nothing exciting going on around here at all. Just going through the motions.

Other than that, just gettin' ready for the holly-days...ya know, deckin' the halls (who the hell actually "decks the halls with boughs of holly"? And if you do, could you let me know what that's like?) And while we're on the subject (yes I know, Thanksgiving hasn't even happened yet...but we're already getting ready for Christmas) uh "Don we now our gay apparel"? What's that all about? I prefer the old classics like
Jingle Bells
Batman smells
Robin laid an egg
Batmobile lost it's wheel
And the Joker got away
Hey!
Don't even ask...I think I'm losing my marbles. Probably only one left.

That's it for me! Happy Thanksgiving just in case I have nothing else interesting to say until then!

Have I finally found the one?

Well, if you know me, you know I'm not talking "man" here. Yep, I'm talking J-O-B. I think I got myself a jobby job.

A local doctor created a non-profit for Border youths and is building a baseball complex here. He needs a project manager/fund raiser and I spoke with him for a long time. He's really interested in me and the job sounds phenomenal. Dream job-ish. And the money...hijole!! Let's just say it's about $15K more a year than I've made....ever. Plus he's going to put together a bonus package for me as well, based on what I help bring in.

He's working out details right now but I'm pretty sure that when he said "I just need to work out the figures to get you exactly what you want and get your office cleaned out" that means I got the job? I should know pretty soon. Luckily my friend, who is a pharmaceutical rep, knows him and he happened to mention this. She mentioned me and VOILA! this could be it.

Don't wanna jinx this one...although I probably just did by writing about it, but I hope not!

Hope everyone had a super scary Halloween. I showed my true colors and went dressed as a mental patient. I carried this around all night too

If you can't tell...that's a picture of me and Matthew McConaghuey (cut out from Cosmo). My obsession led to being checked into the loony bin (my sister's idea). I also carried around a urine sample and my "prescription" for antipsychotics. Needless to say it was a super fun night and we cashed about 300 jello shots (who does those anymore?)

Is fear a factor for you?

So we decided to mess with the new-and-super-annoying-high-pitched-voice girl today at work. She's nice but seriously, imagine a combination of Fran Drescher mixed with an out of tune violin and some nails on a chalkboard...that's what this girl's voice sounds like. That and the fact that she likes to hear herself talk just about makes me want to slam my head in the walk-in door repeatedly just to drown out the sound.

So, we decided to play our own little initiation version of "Fear Factor". Granted we didn't have emperor scorpions, mutilated monkey butts, or hang gliding into a lake full of deadly pirahnas...but we have lots of food that when mixed together is pretty freakin' disgusting.

We began by slyly asking her what foods she can't stand. We all participated so it seemed we were just making conversation. We'd ask questions and she answered...so clueless the poor thing. Then we set out to make our concoction.

If you are interested, here's what it consists of:

1 little tub of creamer
1 squirt of canned whipped cream
1 table spoon of pesto
1 tablespoon of balsamic vinaigrette
8 sliced onions
3 anchovies
4 lima beans
1 teaspoon of ricotta cheese
a dash of tabasco
1 teaspoon of capers
a dash of fennel
1 teaspoon of the oil from a can of smoked oysters

Put in blender and set to "puree". Pour in a large glass, garnish with a straw and a black olive, and serve to poor unsuspecting new girl.

Ok, so we told her what we were doing but didn't tell her what was in it. Said we'd all done it (which was true except for me...I didn't have to be "initiated") and told her she only had to take 2 gulps.

Funniest shit I've seen all day.

What's so great about being 30?

As I embark upon the brand new journey of a decade, beginning today, I really thought about all the positive connotations of turning the big three-oh-no. I'm really not freaking out about being 30, not even the least bit sad really. I was actually so ready to be done with my 20s, as they were of no use to me anymore. Now I'm at the bottom of the 30s instead of being at the top of the 20s, that's better right? So, what are all the good things about being 30? Well, here they are in no particular order.

1. My sexual peak is just beginning (whereas for guys...it was pretty much downhill from 18;)
2. There are lots of people who didn't become who they are until they were in their 30s.
3. I don't have to worry about the "things to do before I turn 30" list anymore. I can relax now!
4. Thirtysomething sounds more dignified than "those twentysomethings".
5. It's the start of something new, and new is good. I feel that this is going to be it. The adventure is just beginning.
6. No matter how old I get, I'll always be the youngest in the family. And I'll always get "you're still young" and that's good enough for me!
7. Men like older women...right? Maybe I can bag some 20 something hottie who wants an older woman;)
8. People will take me more seriously now that I'm in the 30s (and I still get carded!)
9. I will not be forced to take a shot for the number of years I am in age...I mean, who can take 30 shots?
10. 30 IS the new 20!

And those are just some of the reasons I'm ok with turning 30. I actually am excited, I mean my 20s were cool, but they've obviously done nothing for me...except cause the little fine lines and few extra pounds that I have to show for in my 30s. I have a good feeling about this!

What did he just call me?

So, it's been an interesting week, suffice it to say.

On Friday I managed to drop my phone into a drainage gutter in the middle of a parking lot. The ONLY gutter in the entire parking lot of course, and I drop my phone in it. BUT with the help of three stoned teenagers and three of my friends we managed to lift the damn grate (that weighed a million pounds) and get it out. But not before one of the stoners kindly offered to crawl through the sewer to get it out. Pretty cool stuff right there.

I was walking through the parking lot of Target, I get to my car, and I hear "Excuse me." I turn around and there's this guy (around 20) standing there. Here's how the story goes.

Me: Yes?
Him: Um, are you nice?
Me: (???) Uhhh...I like to think so.
Him: Oh good! Well, I'm in this contest you see....and if I win I get a trip to Acapulco. Have you ever been to Acapulco?
Me: (already knowing that he's trying to sell me something) No.
Him: Ask me how I can win.
Me: Do I have to? Oh, alright...How can you win!!!???
Him: I'm glad you asked. You see, it's all based on points. We have to get 20,000 points and right now I'm currently at 15162 (or whatever). Ask me how I get more points.
Me: Let me guess...you sell magazines.
Him: Oh no, these are karaoke songs. You pick one and you sing it and I'll dance.
Me: Sure, right.
Him: Ok, so it's magazines. Now, how many points do I need?
Me: 20000.
Him: Oooh, smart and pretty. Do you have a boyfriend? You can rent me for the rest of the day.
Me: Uh...yeah. Ha ha. I'm not buying any magazines. I already have too many.
Him: Oh, but that's good news b/c I can renew the subscriptions for you. Do you work out or are you naturally fit.
Me: (gagging on the vomit in my mouth) Look, I'm sorry, but I'm not buying any magazines.
Him: blah blah blah (that's all I'm hearing now...cheap flattery and bad salesmanship).

It goes on like this for awhile. I finally tell him no way am I buying magazines, once and for all. So then....

Him: Well, if you're going to be rude and not buy any magazines, can you give me a ride to Walmart?
Me: No!
Him: Come on, I'm totally harmless! You can call my mom or my manager (shows me numbers on his cell phone).
Me: No, I'm sorry. I don't trust people that much.
Him: I thought you said you were nice.
Me: Yeah, I said I'm nice not stupid!!!
Him:(gets the scary look in his eye) WELL YOU MUST BE A REAL DOUCHEBAG!!!!!

What the fuck? A douchebag?!?!? When do guys call girls a douchebag? I can see bitch or whatever(not that any of those would be ok)...but douchebag? He left me speechless, but I wanted to run over his skinny little punk fuckerass. Fucker. So I drove by him, honked, and flipped him off. Made me feel better anyway.

Got super drunk off like 2 margaritas on Saturday during the day at lunch (they were PURE tequila and PURE evil, I'm convinced). Went out for more drinks. Then more. Then decided to go see Robert Randolph and Santana play. Had more drinks. Wanted to go eat afterwards because I was so hungry by that time that I think my stomach was eating itself (it felt that way). And got the slowest waiter in the entire world (who also happened to be this weirdo guy that we know kinda). He got our order all wrong, but it didn't matter because by the time we got our food 2 hours later I was so sick I couldn't even eat. Went home and managed to expel any and all contents of my stomach into the toilet. Great day, Saturday.

So, I have another interview tomorrow and that's all I'm saying. Still waiting to hear back on the group interview job (so we'll see). That's it for me. Peace, I'm outta here!

The interview

So, I had an interview with a University here the other day. I won't say how it went because whenever I say it went well....well obviously I still don't have a job, so you can see what happens.

It was a group interview...4 interviewers and 11 interviewees all in the same room. Interesting, first time I've ever had one of those.

It seems that there are quite a few Einsteins out there looking for a job too.

We had to go around the room and say who we were and say something memorable. The first few people might as well have said "I'm so and so and I'm a person." That's how memorable their statements were. It got to me and I said "I'm Kelli and I have a fascination with serial killers." I think people will remember that...and the interviewers got a kick out of it. Then everyone followed my lead and said something more interesting than "I'm Joe and you can remember me by my brown hair."

So then we do this group exercise and we had to present it to the room. I got stuck with the female versions of Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dumbass. These girls were clueless. The interviewers were walking around and I'm stating my point and I can see her nodding yes and the two girls in my group say "Naw, I don't think that's right." I finally gave in, but you can bet I made my point during the presentation.

Then we have to interview the person next to us and tell the room why we think that person is good for the position. Tweedle-Dumbass is my partner again and she just wants to chit chat. I finally started writing things about me on her paper so she could read them out. She tells me she's been unemployed for 4 months and I said I was too. Big mistake. She proceeds to tell me "We should say that. I tell them you've been unemployed for 4 months and you say the same thing." UH NO! Not really the best idea. She says "Maybe they'll feel bad for us." WTF?! I had to INSIST that she not say that. Luckily she didn't.

At the end of the interview, I was the ONLY person to go to each of the interviewers individually and thank them. One of the interviewers says "Hi Kelli, it's nice to finally meet you. I've heard alot about you and have seen your resume. Good Luck!"

That's good right? And bonus...if I get the job I can go to school for free!! So I decided if this happens I'm going to get my PhD.

From now on folks, that's Dr. Kelli to you;)

Epiphany?

TAKE A DEEP BREATH AND REALIZE HOW COMPLETELY INSANE IT IS THAT YOU ARE ALIVE.

Have you ever done this? Or better yet, thought to do this? I hadn't...not until today anyway. The concept may not be wholly original but for me it was. When you think about it, I mean really think about it it opens up a whole new mindset.

Depression had set in. For what specific reason? Hmm...it could have been any of the numerous reasons you may all be well aware of in my life.

It may have been a step past that. Not just "Am I going to find a job?" but "Am I going to find my dream job?" and of course what follows is "What the hell is my dream job?" What the hell am I looking for and if I find something am I going to be happy with it because every so often I take a look around and feel like no matter what, the grass is always greener?

Not just "Where do I want to be?" but "Is that really where I want to be or is it just a fleeting idea that I have right now?" I have the power to rationalize any idea that pops into my head...and then turn around again and think "That was a dumbass idea."

Not even just "Am I going to find that special someone?" but "Am I going to find that special someone here or somewhere else, and when I find them is it going to be great or just "time"?"

And these are just on the surface...thoughts that pop into my head. I have the ability to create dreams and then shatter them all inside my head in a matter of minutes, hours, or days.

Bear with me here. Then there's the outlandish thoughts. The ones where I get depressed (how sad is this) because I'm so far from being "famous" or a person who is "noteworthy"...making a name for myself in the world. Will I ever get there or just give up and settle for being "mediocre"? I've always felt that I have some bigger purpose and I'm so far from a "bigger purpose" right now that I just feel like resigning to the idea of being "eh".

So, those thoughts pop into my head...I'm bummed, start thinking about something, get excited, bring up the "what ifs", start to doubt, and then get down all over again. Mind you this is not on a daily basis and after rereading this...I think I'm sounding a bit nuts. Are we all a bit nuts inside our own heads? I just wonder what it would be like to be inside other people's heads and hear their thoughts for a bit...just to see if I'm in the majority or minority.

I digress....so the whole point of this post is "Take a deep breath and realize how completely insane it is that you are alive."

I read that today. I did that today.

I mean, I really did that today.

I sat and I thought about it. About living in general and life and all of those good things. Yes, people have worries and problems and doubts and fallen hopes and dreams and sadness....and just to be alive and feel anything at all really is completely insane. A wonder to behold. We are so complex...not just mentally and emotionally...but physically too.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that all of that thinking and pondering I did today...it changed my outlook on a lot of things. I'm happy in the skin I'm in and I think I've already done great things. Touched peoples' lives. Been a great person and have lived to the best of my ability...to date. And I'm going to keep on and keep on. Just thought I'd share.

And they lived bipolarly(?) ever after

Once upon a time there were two "princes" who ruled over the land of Pizzeria. Pizzeria was once a peaceful place, where people got along merrily and work was done in good nature and cheer. Then the princes took over Pizzeria and things began to go sour.

These princes weren't your ordinary princes, whom we envision as handsome and charming...quite the opposite indeed.

The first and oldest prince, Prince Freak, was prone to violent outbursts when things were not going his way and would pitch a fit at the first inkling of turbulence. When a Pizzerian went to the prince for advice or for help, the prince often blew up and went into a vicious tirade for no apparent reason. He would yell at guests of Pizzeria, when all the guests wanted to do was learn about the kingdom. Plus, this prince was a big dork.

The second prince, Prince Loser, was more up and down. One minute he would have the kingdom in stitches and the next he was berating them like children. He could go from laughing and joking to scolding and humiliating in the blink of an eye. He may then be extremely mean for the rest of the day...or he could perk right up and be fine again.

Prince Loser was on a huge power trip though, after Prince Freak made him the "Prince On Duty" while Prince Freak was away. Prince Loser was so ecstatic that he could hardly contain himself. His love for the power and the glory increased tenfold.

One day, while Prince Loser was minding the kingdom, the people had finally had enough and there was an uprising. Prince Loser shouted "You little insignificant wretches of Pizzeria...how dare you rise up against me. You have no sense. You couldn't survive without me, yet you Pizzerians are completely replaceable. We don't need you here...new citizens will not be hard to find!!"

Yet, many people throughout the lands knew of Pizzeria and of the unstable princes. No one would ever want to live under their rule, and the people of Pizzeria knew this. After hearing this threat countless times, the Pizzerians had had enough.

A joyful procession made their way out of the kingdom just as Prince Freak returned from his journey. Prince Freak was aghast and asked "What is the meaning of this? Where are our people going?" Prince Loser replied "They have abandoned their city and their loyalty to Pizzeria. Those people are not worthy of being called Pizzerians. We shall search the lands to find new residents."

And so it was. Prince Freak and Loser searched the country far and wide for new residents, but to no avail. The word had spread about the Princes and no one was willing to go to Pizzeria. Not even the downtrodden or diseased.

In the end, the two Princes ruled a peopleless kingdom and became quite fond of each other (ie: gay) and fought constantly, as two crazies would.

And so it is....

Well, my grandfather passed away today. It's been rough going for the past week or so. In the end though, it was better that he go peacefully, which he did.

We spent much of the past week with him at home, just being near him. His best friend was there, his family, everyone who knew and loved him passed through their doors. I know that even though he wasn't "with it" the majority of the time, he knew we were there, and that was comforting. It was difficult seeing him like that, confined to bed and not being able to do anything for himself.

He was always a strong man, worked right up until the end. He was independent, was in love with his college football team whose every games he never missed. If he could have and if we would have let him, he would have been at their game on Saturday. He still had a little fight left now and then and really wanted to get up, but it's better for him now....he's peaceful.

He lived a long, meaningful life and had lots of fun and had so many who loved him. It's sad to see life come full circle but inevitable nonetheless.

We are all doing well and have the love of our great family to get through this. Unfortunately this means no trip to Austin for me...but there will plenty more ACL shows and only one time where I will get to pay tribute to a man who had such a profound impact on me and the people around me. As I was typing this, I heard his name on the news..."Mr. Aggie" they called him. What a great tribute they did to him. The college is donating memorabilia so that his family can do what we knew he'd love...come decked out in the school colors.

He will be missed but always remembered.

I'm a schizophrenic and so am I

I am the absolute worst, I mean worst, at trying to figure out what the hell I'm going to do. As it stands right now, I've decided to say see ya to Palm Springs and hello to Phoenix. I just didn't want to live in Palm Springs and the one person I'd be near would be my ex. I mean, we're still friends but that just puts me in a situation I probably will regret. SO, Phoenix it is. My sister has contacts up the wazoo and we are going to find me a job there (I know what you guys are thinking...yeah right, because so far nothing has happened with me;) It just seems like there's always something.

Well, on another note....my 94 year old grandfather is going downhill pretty quickly. Yes, I am sad, but he has had a long great life. He went code red on Monday night but they brought him back. He's a trooper, that one. I don't know how much longer he can last, but I'm just trying to enjoy the last bit of time we have with him.

And lastly, I don't know what the hell I did but I woke up yesterday with the WORST neck/back/shoulder pain. Pain so bad it made my stomach hurt. I went to my massage therapist friend's house and she made me ice it and then she tried to get out the knots. It helped for a bit but I was in so much pain last night I could even sleep. Still hurts like a son of a bitch. Can't really turn my head either way or do anything. If I just sit here and don't move it hurts.

So, those are my latest gripes and revelations. I really do need like a life guide, something like the monopoly cards that tell me exactly what to do and when to do it. Or like a magic 8 ball that really works. My life would be so much easier. Maybe I'll go get my palm read or have cards done or something.

Tips from a waitress

Yeah, waitresses...er, I mean "servers" give tips too. But more like in the form of advice. Here they are in no particular order.

1. If I ask you if you're ready to order, be ready. Don't say "yes" and then say "Sally, what do you want? Well, what kind of pizza do you have?" That's annoying and it wastes my time.

2. If I ask for your drink order, that means all I have time for right now is drinks. Don't say "We're ready to order" when you see that I have 3 other tables that just sat down and there are beads of perspiration on my forehead.

3. If one person asks for something, you'd better damn well speak up if you want some too. Don't wait until I go get it and come back to your table and then say you want one too. That pisses me off.

4. Don't ask if we have free refills.

5. Don't ask the price of EVERYTHING, that's what the fuckin' menu is for.

6. Don't drink your drink so fast when you see the restaurant is busy and it's obvious I'm the only person working. You do that and you just better be prepared to be thirsty.

7. Don't ask for something and then not use it.

8. Don't tell me that I'm the greatest server in the world and then tip me $2 on a $60 tab. You suck.

9. Don't say "hey lady" when you want my attention.

10. Don't change your mind 30 times and make me scratch out the whole damn ticket.

11. Don't talk on your cell phone when it's time to order and ignore me and make me wait.

12. Don't ignore me and talk to each other when I'm trying to get your order.

13. Don't act like you're the only table I have...you're not and I'm not gonna fuckin' put up with it.

14. Don't walk in the restaurant 5 minutes before closing, order a bottle of wine and stay for an hour and a half AFTER we're closed.

15. Don't bitch that I'm sweeping near your table when you're still sitting there after we've been closed for an hour and a half.

16. Don't try to beg us to serve you another drink AFTER we've given last call...and we've been closed for an hour and a half.

17. Don't be shitty when you want to order more food AFTER....you know the drill.

18. Don't call in the middle of a rush to order food to go and then ask about everything on our menu.

19. Don't blame me when the kitchen messes up your food.

20. Cut us some fuckin' slack....after all, we ARE the ones who handle your food;)

There's plenty more where that came from...but seriously, if you've never worked in a restaurant it's not easy and it's pretty thankless. Remember, tips are our livelihood...we get paid shit by the hour.

Thanks for playing!

Opportunity Knocks?

Do I answer?

Dilemma:
I received a call from a friend in California whose mother works for a homebuilder. Great company. She needs someone to come in and do marketing, scheduling, etc. (more details to come) and it's good pay to start with a great opportunity for advancement and more moeny in the near future...in Palm Springs.

Not my first choice for a city to live in, but the opportunity is great.

Now, what's been driving me nuts is...well, me I guess.

I can't decide if it's ok for me to leave. My mom, that is. I know she would never want to hold me back from a great chance, but there's this "thing" nagging at me. What if something happens and I'm not here? What if I regret the time that I'll lose with her if I leave? What if...what if...what if?

I'm on the fence here and I don't know what to do. There's nothing (jobwise) for me here. I haven't been able to find anything worth anything, so this is the perfect chance right? Or is it right?

If only there was something or someone that could tell me what was the right thing to do. I'm bad at making decisions like this. I'm a Libra...we're good at being indecisive.

I just don't know. Any words of wisdom out there for a confused, unemployed, indecisive girl with a lot on her mind?

ACL baby!

So I decided to say "Screw it, I need some fun!" I'm going to Austin City Limits festival and I'm super duper stoked!! I can't wait... Coldplay, Widespread Panic, Jason Mraz, Black Crowes, Allman Brothers, Drive By Truckers, Robert Randolph, Gov't Mule...and so many more. I can't wait!! September 22nd I'll be on a plane to Austin! Well, just thought I'd share the excitement!

Oh, I borrowed this from jess and it's so worth the time! Me? I got a 91...not too shabby!

The human bulldozer

That's right...step right up. Hurry hurry! You've never seen anything like this before folks. Come one, come all to witness the phenomena that is "The Human Bulldozer"!!

She paves the way so her (insert rude word) ass can get through any spot, tight or not!!
She shoves and pokes, get out of her way!!
She mumbles "excuse me" without really meaning it to get by!!

This, my lovely friends, is this dumb ass beotch that I work with. It's only once a week that I'm grazed (yes, grazed) with her presence. This girl... damn I kinda wanna punch her in the face. But only enough to let her know that she's annoying me and everyone else at work. She's rude, she's bossy, and she's downright uh.... well just a freakin' bitch.

For example, here I am in the middle of a slammed Friday night, getting my drinks for a table...minding my own business when she comes plowing through. There's no waiting for her, oh no...throw patience to the wind! And she walks right up behind you...and pokes you in the freakin' kidneys with her stupid finger three times. UGHHH! That pissed me off!!!! Then, next time around, she does the hand on the back thing, but not nicely...it's a definite shove. And it's not just me...one of the other girls gets pissed and tells her to back off. To which the bulldozer replies "Dude, just chill." Uhh...I'm so not your "dude". You and I...we're not on "dude" terms, k? Thanks.

So (and she's a hostess at the restaurant and this is part of her job) I tell her "The kid at table 6 spilled his coke, could you please get the mop?" She looks at me a bit defiantly (even though I said it as nicely as possible) and goes over there. I walk by and say thanks and she says "Yeah, you should be thankful." To which I reply "Excuse me?!?!" And I get a "Just kidding" all snotty like. I about knocked her damn look off her face. But I don't think that people in the restaurant are fond of bloodshed... at least not til after they're finished eating.

I mean, whatever she is doing is automatically the most important thing in the world and you have to clear a path or she'll clear it for you. I mean, common courtesy is when I and someone else are about to cross paths...I pause so they can go ahead. Her? Oh no...there's no courtesy pause. She'll knock you down, I swear it. I honestly don't even think I'm doing her justice with my description. It's unbelievable. There are times when I know I'm not in her way but she plows through me just because. It's like "I'm gonna be walking in that area in like 20 minutes, so excuse me!!"

And while I'm on the subject of the nuts at work....here's a little tidbit from the owner of the restaurant. He's like a jekyll and hyde. One minute he's calm...but if you piss him off....talk about Sybill! And let's just say he's not really what you and I like to call a "people person". He told this old man to go to hell. Actually...I take that back, he didn't tell him....he screamed it at him. I mean, the old man was being a jerk and it was pretty funny, but shit...see what I have to deal with;)? He's thrown money back at people and told them to get the fuck outta there, he called this man an alcoholic, pretty much a nut.

So, I had to vent a bit...but it actually is pretty funny. All of it. Entertaining to say the least...plus the money is sweet. Damn people are crazy!

Can't a girl catch a break?

Well, sorry people but here we go again. Pity...party of 1! I'm beginning to wonder what the reason is. You know the "everything happens for a reason" reason? See...if one more shitty thing happens I'm gonna have to bust some chops. I won't go into the detail about all this, but lets just say this crap has got to stop.

Now, I know all about karma and all that good stuff, but I like to think that I should have a flood of good karma coming my way. I'm super nice to people, I do things for other people all the time (and don't boast about it...I actually enjoy it), I have what I like to think is a great heart. So what the hell?? I'm wondering if the karma fairy might be saving it all up for me so that I become the girl who won the lottery eight times in one year, mistakenly discovered the cure for cancer (and anuerysms), ended world hunger and poverty, and created peace throughout the world. I mean shit...I'm bound to at least get one of the above.

Have you guys ever played that "what good luck, what bad luck game?" I actually think I posted about it once....yeah, here it is. Well, here's another one that fits in there:
What good luck...I got a pretty cool job offer
What bad luck...the pay sucks and it's only part time.

Thing is...I'm probably making more money waiting tables and mooching off the government than I did when I had a "real" job. My ex boss called me the other day and our conversation was a little something like this:

Me: Hello?
Him: Well, congratulations.
Me: Huh?
Him: I'm calling to congratulate you.
Me: Uh, for what?
Him: I heard (ad agency) hired you for the job you'd been wanting.
Me: Oh really?
Him: Yeah, that's awesome.
Me: Funny, if they hired me, they forgot to tell me about it.
Him: What do you mean?
Me: Uhhh, I mean if they hired me no one told me. I'm not working there.
Him: Really?!?! Well...but...I mean I heard it from a reliable person. It didn't sound like gossip or anything.
Me: Well, then if your source is reliable I'd better go pick up my paycheck.

Nice huh? And to top it all off...the owner of the company I used to work for came into eat at the restaurant I'm working at and sat in my section. Awesome. So embarrassing. I also wanted to smack him upside the head.

Oh well...things I know will get better, but this is my place for depressing, boring, or excited rants. Too bad they've all been pretty depressing lately. I'm hoping that's gonna change here pretty quick.Until then...I'm out.

Enough with the doom and gloom already

I'm tired of it all so I decided that I'm now taking the "glass half full" approach.

I moved back to this city (that I'm not totally crazy about) for a reason. It was meant to be. My mom got sick and I was able to be here for it. Now I'm unemployed (well...I don't have a "real" job) but I think that's for the same reason. I'm able to spend this time with my mom and that's important. Regardless of what happens in the very near future at least I'll always have this time right now that I've gotten to spend with her. I'm not sure what's going to happen although we got a pretty good idea. That's about it on that.

I think I finally have figured out why I can't find a job. And all this time I've been wondering what the hell was wrong. I found it. According to Emily Post’s book “The Etiquette Advantage in Business” here's some key interview info:

"Never wear anything sloppy, tight or revealing to an interview(Oh crap...so the women interviewers don't live the cleavage shot?)
High-quality, tailored business suits are always appropriate for both men and women. And don’t forget the details: Make sure your shoes and accessories are clean and polished(I KNEW I shouldn't have worn my dress pumps on that hike through the desert! They looked sorta black still.)
Clothes may make the (wo)man, but hair and hygiene are crucial(Here we go). You never want an interviewer to smell you before they see you, so always bathe the morning of the interview(D'oh!!!! Bathe, bathe, bathe...my new mantra), use a good-quality bath soap and deodorant(so for us poor people...if we can't afford "good-quality" then we're screwed because if it isn't good quality then we won't get a job and if we don't get a job then we won't be able to bathe with "good quality" toiletries... a tautology if I've ever heard one;), and avoid wearing perfume or cologne(shit, there goes the alternative to bathing)."

I guess I should probably stop talking about how big of a jackass by ex boss was too;)

So you see people, I've been doing it all wrong. Now if I can just remember this stuff I could be a CEO by next week! Still hot on the trail of my dream job...I can see it just over the horizon, just a few more miles to go.

My favorite thing though, is when people say "With your background and education, you shouldn't have any problems finding a job." Oh really? You'd think that wouldn't you? I guess if I wanted any old job I could have one by now but I figure "Hey, this is a good time to be picky...I'm actually doing pretty well for myself."

I never did get to talk about my super fun lake trip...it was a blast. Was forced to listen to spanish "cumbia" music on the way up. Almost went nuts from that. We jet skiied, we partied, we got a little stoopid. Got attacked by bees, wasps, hornets. Almost let the jet ski float out in the middle of the lake. Lost sunglasses in the lake. Found said sunglasses with my knee in the lake 5 hours later. Here's a slight picumentary for you all.
The sky was beautiful on the way up and since I was being tortured by the music of the gays, I needed to keep myself occupado.

Another shot from the car...what a great day for the lake!

Now, as you can see I was bored. This was at the checkpoint into New Mexico. Ain't it a beaut?!

The Big Drink. Elephant's Butt (Elephant Butte) in beautiful Truth or Consequences, NM. Gotta love the name of the town. Trailer parks as far as the eye can see and rotten fish as far as the nose can smell.

"Hey, I think that rope is stuck in the jet ski propeller." Oh yeah, you bet I did that. That's me, the driver. With the red flag and the broken jet ski (that isn't mine).

"No hard feelin's...right guys? Right?" Took about an hour and a half and a case a beer to get that piece of crap blue rope out of the propeller! And yes, they did let me drive it later.

The sandcastle I built while waiting for the guys to fix the jet ski I broke and almost ruined the trip! Awesome!

So, there's a little bit of my trip...sorry I didn't get pictures of my friend doing a naked fire dance and then leaping over the fire and singeing his....well, it wasn't his eyebrows if you know what I mean.

Peace, I'm outta here.