Tips from a waitress

Yeah, waitresses...er, I mean "servers" give tips too. But more like in the form of advice. Here they are in no particular order.

1. If I ask you if you're ready to order, be ready. Don't say "yes" and then say "Sally, what do you want? Well, what kind of pizza do you have?" That's annoying and it wastes my time.

2. If I ask for your drink order, that means all I have time for right now is drinks. Don't say "We're ready to order" when you see that I have 3 other tables that just sat down and there are beads of perspiration on my forehead.

3. If one person asks for something, you'd better damn well speak up if you want some too. Don't wait until I go get it and come back to your table and then say you want one too. That pisses me off.

4. Don't ask if we have free refills.

5. Don't ask the price of EVERYTHING, that's what the fuckin' menu is for.

6. Don't drink your drink so fast when you see the restaurant is busy and it's obvious I'm the only person working. You do that and you just better be prepared to be thirsty.

7. Don't ask for something and then not use it.

8. Don't tell me that I'm the greatest server in the world and then tip me $2 on a $60 tab. You suck.

9. Don't say "hey lady" when you want my attention.

10. Don't change your mind 30 times and make me scratch out the whole damn ticket.

11. Don't talk on your cell phone when it's time to order and ignore me and make me wait.

12. Don't ignore me and talk to each other when I'm trying to get your order.

13. Don't act like you're the only table I have...you're not and I'm not gonna fuckin' put up with it.

14. Don't walk in the restaurant 5 minutes before closing, order a bottle of wine and stay for an hour and a half AFTER we're closed.

15. Don't bitch that I'm sweeping near your table when you're still sitting there after we've been closed for an hour and a half.

16. Don't try to beg us to serve you another drink AFTER we've given last call...and we've been closed for an hour and a half.

17. Don't be shitty when you want to order more food AFTER....you know the drill.

18. Don't call in the middle of a rush to order food to go and then ask about everything on our menu.

19. Don't blame me when the kitchen messes up your food.

20. Cut us some fuckin' slack....after all, we ARE the ones who handle your food;)

There's plenty more where that came from...but seriously, if you've never worked in a restaurant it's not easy and it's pretty thankless. Remember, tips are our livelihood...we get paid shit by the hour.

Thanks for playing!