What did he just call me?

So, it's been an interesting week, suffice it to say.

On Friday I managed to drop my phone into a drainage gutter in the middle of a parking lot. The ONLY gutter in the entire parking lot of course, and I drop my phone in it. BUT with the help of three stoned teenagers and three of my friends we managed to lift the damn grate (that weighed a million pounds) and get it out. But not before one of the stoners kindly offered to crawl through the sewer to get it out. Pretty cool stuff right there.

I was walking through the parking lot of Target, I get to my car, and I hear "Excuse me." I turn around and there's this guy (around 20) standing there. Here's how the story goes.

Me: Yes?
Him: Um, are you nice?
Me: (???) Uhhh...I like to think so.
Him: Oh good! Well, I'm in this contest you see....and if I win I get a trip to Acapulco. Have you ever been to Acapulco?
Me: (already knowing that he's trying to sell me something) No.
Him: Ask me how I can win.
Me: Do I have to? Oh, alright...How can you win!!!???
Him: I'm glad you asked. You see, it's all based on points. We have to get 20,000 points and right now I'm currently at 15162 (or whatever). Ask me how I get more points.
Me: Let me guess...you sell magazines.
Him: Oh no, these are karaoke songs. You pick one and you sing it and I'll dance.
Me: Sure, right.
Him: Ok, so it's magazines. Now, how many points do I need?
Me: 20000.
Him: Oooh, smart and pretty. Do you have a boyfriend? You can rent me for the rest of the day.
Me: Uh...yeah. Ha ha. I'm not buying any magazines. I already have too many.
Him: Oh, but that's good news b/c I can renew the subscriptions for you. Do you work out or are you naturally fit.
Me: (gagging on the vomit in my mouth) Look, I'm sorry, but I'm not buying any magazines.
Him: blah blah blah (that's all I'm hearing now...cheap flattery and bad salesmanship).

It goes on like this for awhile. I finally tell him no way am I buying magazines, once and for all. So then....

Him: Well, if you're going to be rude and not buy any magazines, can you give me a ride to Walmart?
Me: No!
Him: Come on, I'm totally harmless! You can call my mom or my manager (shows me numbers on his cell phone).
Me: No, I'm sorry. I don't trust people that much.
Him: I thought you said you were nice.
Me: Yeah, I said I'm nice not stupid!!!
Him:(gets the scary look in his eye) WELL YOU MUST BE A REAL DOUCHEBAG!!!!!

What the fuck? A douchebag?!?!? When do guys call girls a douchebag? I can see bitch or whatever(not that any of those would be ok)...but douchebag? He left me speechless, but I wanted to run over his skinny little punk fuckerass. Fucker. So I drove by him, honked, and flipped him off. Made me feel better anyway.

Got super drunk off like 2 margaritas on Saturday during the day at lunch (they were PURE tequila and PURE evil, I'm convinced). Went out for more drinks. Then more. Then decided to go see Robert Randolph and Santana play. Had more drinks. Wanted to go eat afterwards because I was so hungry by that time that I think my stomach was eating itself (it felt that way). And got the slowest waiter in the entire world (who also happened to be this weirdo guy that we know kinda). He got our order all wrong, but it didn't matter because by the time we got our food 2 hours later I was so sick I couldn't even eat. Went home and managed to expel any and all contents of my stomach into the toilet. Great day, Saturday.

So, I have another interview tomorrow and that's all I'm saying. Still waiting to hear back on the group interview job (so we'll see). That's it for me. Peace, I'm outta here!