Monday, January 23, 2006

Nearing the end

Well, they've taken my mom off of every medication except morphine. They're giving her as much of that as she can handle I think. I don't know how much morphine is ALOT of morphine, but she's getting about 20 mg/hr. When she first went into the hospital, I think they were giving her 4? I know she's getting alot, which is good because the goal is to make her comfortable.

Of course, we don't know how much time she has left...but I'm guessing it's only a matter of days. It's just so hard to watch it happen when I know how she wouldn't want people to see her like this. She was always made up, with her hair all cute and a cute little outfit. I know she wouldn't want people seeing her like this. It's so frustrating.

As for me, it's really hard to go about my life when all of this is happening. I have no choice really. I mean, I have an interview tomorrow and I have dental appointments and it all feels so insignificant. I'm sure that's how most people feel during a time like this, but it's so surreal.

I'm just completely in limbo right now. I feel blessed that I had all the time to spend with my mother after I lost my job. But now, I'm up shit creek without a paddle because unemployment is gone and my current waiting job can't cut it alone. I'm looking harder than ever, but at the same much motivation can I feel when all this is going on? Rock...hard in the middle.

I know I'll get through this and things will turn out ok....but it's so hard to see all the way to that point from where I am right now. Thanks to everyone again for caring so much.


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