Professor Knowitall

I've decided what I want to be when I grow up. I'm going to be a Professor. A college Professor that is. A nurterer and molder of young minds. A bringer of knowledge. A giver of grades.

How many kids could I get to believe every word I say? To hang on my every thought? To follow me around the room with their eyes and their minds?

Think of how many kids I could instill my knowledge upon. I could unteach them everything they ever learned before...because let's face it, their teachers didn't know anything. I know it all!

I could use the lines my teachers use to use....you know like "Look at these tests...not one of you passed! You guys couldn't even pass gas!" Even if people in the class did pass, I would fail them just so I could say that.

I'd make up my own grade scale and then change it all the time. I teach a class in history and then make them read fiction novels and make them believe they were true. I'd teach philosophy and talk of great philosophers like Homer Simpson and Play-doh. I'd teach a class in architectural design and make them use the etch-a-sketch.

Oh, I can't wait to start my new endeavour!! Think of all the young minds I will be able to screw with so they don't take all the good jobs and so when I get fired from being Professor Smartypants, I still have a chance at employment. Ooh, and then when my ex students come to me for a job I can say "What are you kidding? You don't know anything. Hell no I won't hire you....dummy."