Oh

This Monday double sucks. Yes, I am about to bitch about being here at work right now while everyone is possibly still sleeping or lazing about or getting ready to start drinking. I am here at work...my boss is not here. That stupid fucko better come in today or I will personally kick his dumb ass. His laptop is not here and he NEVER takes it anywhere, so that makes me suspicious. OOOhh...if he doesn't come in today....I can't even imagine what I will do!!!

Yes, I am hungover. What would you expect for me to do on a pseudo-weekend night? Stay home? Even with the knowledge that I did indeed have to work today, that didn't stop me from consuming 3 jumbo-sized Crown and 7's. I feel like complete ass. See, we got some free tickets to see....get this...The Doobie Brothers. Now, I know some of you youngins may be asking..."What's a doobie brother?" Well, I (for the life of me) couldn't remember any of their songs. My friend wanted to know what they sang and I was at a loss. I knew that I KNEW them....I was drawing a blank. So, what do we do in this day and age when we can't think of something? That's right, we google it.

I find their discography and as I was going through it, I kept thinking "I didn't know they sang that song. I didn't know that was them." But alas, it was. And they pulled out such songs (that you may remember from such late night infomercials for Rock 'N Roll's Greatest Hits of All Time or something of the sort) as:
Jesus is Just Alright (dododododo..do do dodododo x2 Jesus is just alright with meeee, Jesus is just alright, oh yeah)
China Grove (Well, you’re talkin’ ’bout china grove....oh oh oh, oooh oooh, China Grove)
Listen to the Music (Oh oh oh, Listen to the music
Rockin' Down the Highway (Ooooh, rockin' down the highway)
Black Water (Old black water, keep on rollin’...Mississippi moon, won’t you keep on shinin’ on me)

Now (besides the last one, which I think is the best of them all) notice a pattern? There's more "oh" in these songs than in....well, Spaghetti O's. And we know those are chock full of "o"s. But it was quite entertaining and fun to dance to....especially after 3 troughs of crown and 7.

At the end of the show, we're standing there finishing drinks and people are taking pee breaks, when this balding, wanna-be-20 4o something man and his greying, 50 something friend walk up to us and say "What's the big idea looking all sexy?" Gross. Seriously man. Gross. We looked at him with amusement and a smidgen of disgust but he would not let up.

Him: You girls are hot.
Me: (blank stare....ie gothefuckaway)
Him: Where you all goin' after this?
Me: Home.
Him: Can we come with you?
Me: (Surprised and seriously grossed out) Yeah, I'll meet you there (laughing)
Him: Come on, I'm a 40 year old man with lots of assets and I need someone to take them from me when I kill myself from partying.
Me: What kind of assets?
Him: I own property all over the place, own a bar, 5 houses...lots of stuff. I always get excited when I see young girls looking all hot.
Me: You are a pig...that is wrong. So wrong.
Him: Like 14 or 15 year olds...ones that look like they're 20 or so...damn. That's why you girls are so hot.
Me: Sorry buddy, looks like I'm too old for you (totally disgusted and trying to get away)
Him: Well, can I have a hug?
Me: Nope...sorry. I don't just give away hugs to anyone (especiallynotgrossdisgustingpervslikeyou).
Him: Come on, I'm harmless.
His Friend: He is harmless...like a teddybear.
Me: My hugs are sacred and not free to the public. Gotta go.
Him: Well, at least come by my new bar. It's (in the slummiest part of town). Come by.
Me: Yeah, we'll be right there.

What a disgusting piece of trash. Other than that though....it was a blast.
And that, my vacation day friends, is all she wrote.