I've got serious problems

I mean, I know I tell you all about dreams I have. Some are stupid, some are weird. Well, this one is just plain...I don't know what. I'm warning you.

So my dream began fairly normal. I was at my friend's house and we were just hanging out. Then my ex boyfriend (from like 9 years ago) shows up. We're all talking and then he starts trying to kiss me. I'm backing up, he's coming towards me. Locks onto my lips and then starts to grab my chest. I push him away and then we kick him out. Semi-normal I guess. Now, here's where it get's crazy.

So, the guy won't leave me alone. He's calling, he's following me, leaving notes on my car, etc. So what do I do to try and make myself resistable to him? I have a penis implanted on my knee. Yes, you read right. I said penis.

My friend's mom's friend did it. In the backyard. I don't know where this penis came from, but there it was, bright as day, on my knee. It was the weirdest fucking thing I've ever seen in my life. It was so real. And it was consta-erect. I mean, of course I don't know what it feels like to have a penis (not attached to me, I mean;)) but this was crazy! So, the guy comes over and I'm like "Hey, look what I got!" He looks at it and did he shrink away in disgust? NO! He's like "Whoa, that's crazy. Cool!" Uh, ok freakazoid.

So, I'm sitting at home and there it is...sticking out of my knee like some horrible monster (no offense guys) and I started FREAKING out. I was thinking "Oh my god, I'm never going to be able to wear shorts or a skirt again." I'm like a circus freak. WTF was I thinking!! So, I go back to my friends house and tell my friend's mom's friend that she needs to get this shit off me quick.

She says she'll try, but doesn't know how to undo an implant...only how to do one. I said I didn't give a crap, just do whatever. So, she gives me an epidural? I mean, I've never had a baby but I don't know that an epidural would be necessary for this type of operation.

Then, she cuts open my legs and underneath my skin I'm a robot. I know you think I'm making this up, but I'm freakin' serious. So then she's zapping wires together and stuff and I'm feeling little jolts of electricity. Then all of a sudden, the penis just falls off like it was glued on there or something.

What the hell is wrong with my head that I have this absolutely insane dreams!?!? Maybe someone spiked my fruit bowl.