Classified

This could also work:

Single White Female in her 20s seeks terminally ill elderly man for short-lived (hopefully) relationship. Preferably wheel chair bound with impotency problem. Also must not be eligible for Viagra (or other ED) prescriptions. Must be as close to death as possible and easily influenced to change his Will with a simple flash of nay-nays. Must be worth millions of dollars and be willing to forsake all others and leave all pricy possessions to me. If interested, call or email me.

Yeah...I'd never do that, but this is sad stuff right here. I'm currently working on a solution ie new job. We'll see what I can do!