Nutty as a fruitcake

Where do I even begin? Feels like so much happened this weekend, but the majority of it occurred in a liquor induced haze.

Friday
Friday night was nuts. Went to one of the local bars first, because my best friend's ex-boyfriend was the "guest bartender" there. Yep, that's right. See, he's a CFO for a huge company here and I'm not really sure what the reason for this was, but I'm guessing it's something like a mid-life crisis type situation. He has started calling everyone bitch and brutha. Anyway, it was enjoyable to see all the real bartenders running his ass off and making him work like he needs the money. He didn't get tips either.

So, after we harrassed him for a bit we went back to my friend's house for lots of drinks and for the arrival of my friend from Denver. We all hung out, my friend "M" from Denver had been drinking since 4 so she was wasted and getting more so (and she's seriously crazy sober...so you can imagine what she's like drunk). We drank, reminisced, told stories from elementary school all the way up to last year (we've all been friends forever) and finally it was time to get funky with some reggae beats.

We headed over to this crazy place downtown (we told one of our other guy friends we were going there and he said "WHAT? You wanna get shot?" nice) and I could see what my friend was talkin' about. The band came on and blew us away. Freakin' awesome. We danced, we drank, we be jammin'. Closed the place down and went back to my friend's house for more sentimentality. By this time, everyone's pretty much spent, so we head for home. Had an awesome time.

Saturday
Saturday began very, very slowly. As it took me many attempts to make it out of my bed. We had some lunch and hung out. Lazy day watchin' movies and stuff. Then, it was time to get ready for Saturday night (Sat. was the night we had planned to party...oh man). We all met up at L's house because my friend K and my other friend MM (not to be confused with M) had this video that we had never seen. It was when they first moved away from here in like 1995 and they had interviewed us all and videotaped a series of nights at my friend S's house. Holy shitballs, that thing was the most hilarious thing I think I've ever seen. Funny thing is, we would all still act like we did on the tape today. It was excellent. That prepared us for a night of craziness. Well, at least we thought we were prepared.

(aside) You see, when M from Denver and K (no, I'm not K;) get together, they're the craziest two girls I've ever seen. Often times, it gets to the point where you really can't handle it.

So, we get to the "area" where all the bars are and there isn't parking for miles. Apparently, there was a big event (boxing) at the Don Haskins center right across the street (which my friend had mistakenly said was downtown) so we ended up about a mile from where we were going. There were like 60 mph winds and we were in heels. Needless to say, we bitched the whole time we were walking.

So, we show up at this one bar and we get in, it's not too packed, and we get a table. Have a drink and then decide to move to a table outside on the covered patio so whoever smokes can smoke. All the people that were at the fight started coming over to the bars at this point. It was so packed it was ridiculous. So we decided to go to another bar across the street that doesn't usually get so packed. There was a whole section reserved for us, compliments of another group of friends we were there to meet, so we had a prime location. We started drinking, taking shot after shot after shot. Shots of all kinds of stuff and drinks galore. We were having a blast and K and M start doing the Napoleon Dynamite dance. It was hilarious.

So then K and M decide they want to go next door for shots. They tried to drag me with them and so I finally made my way over there. I get to the bar next door and see a guy friend of mine I haven't seen in about 8 years. It was great and I found out he's getting married. By the time I finished talking to him, my other friends were coming over asking where K & M went. No idea. So, we're all going to leave the bar, find them and go somewhere else. Just then, L's ex-husband shows up at the bar. He's been trying to hang out with L for awhile. None of us like the ex, but I respect my friend and her decisions. I know she's not stupid.

So, T & I go to look for them across the street (I was NOT wearing walking around shoes!) and go into all the different bars. The thing was, neither K nor M had taken their phones. No trace of them. So we go back to the bar where everyone is. Then MM and S had taken off to go look for us. MM lost S and came back to the bar. It was mass confusion. So then, M & K finally come back to the bar and they're even more wasted, if that could be. They had taken shots at EVERY bar (not to mention the 7 or so they had before that).

So, T & MM decide to leave. They take off and I go sit with M & K & L and L's ex husband. I hear M & K making all kinds of nasty rude comments about him and saying they hate him whatever. Then M calls him (pardon this phrase) a "spineless cunt" and L gets pissed. I mean, let's be mature about this. You don't like the guy, just don't talk to him and don't get near him. They were wasted and acting like complete idiots. It was a mess. So, M & K went to go get the rest of their stuff because S had it (another story) and I'm with L and the ex. They say they'll take us to the car (that's a mile away). We walk to get K & M and L and the ex go to get the car. So, we go to meet them at the car and they're gone. They left us. I call L.

She says "I left with the ex. I don't need my friends judging me and talking behind my back. I support everyone all the time (which is true) so why can't everyone just let me do my own thing."

Uh...all I wanted was a ride. I said "I don't know what you're talking about....you guys said you'd give us a ride." She said "Oh shit, sorry! I forgot!" So they come back to get us and take us to the car. SO K & M are still being annoying and drunk and we get to my car FINALLY. Then I get out and say bye and the other two are lingering still talking shit. I get them in the car and K wants to go back and have one more word. She comes back and is crying b/c she said L was mean. I said, "Well shit, I would have been too with all the shit you were giving her." She says that she was just trying to look out for her and had said, "All I'm doing is looking out for you. I just can't watch you do this." So L said, "I have to watch your fucked up relationship everyday." (Now, this is so true. K's "fiance" is the biggest piece of shit loser asshole on the face of the earth and she won't get away from him. We just have to deal with it.)

SO, M wants food and cigarettes. She can't even get up. We go into the store to her smokes. Then I take them to eat. M won't go in, she's laying in the backseat passed out. We get her food and get back in the car. I'm finally close to home and can't wait to go get into my bed (it's like 3 something by now) and M says "I'm gonna throw up, pull over." DAMN. So, I pull over and she wretches out my car door while K is just munching out on her burger (gross). M finally finishes and we get to my house and makes me stop right before I get there so she can puke again. Super fun times. So, I notice the ex's truck at L's house. Whatever...I could care less at this point. I got into my nice warm cozy bed and am on the brink of sleep when
BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ
I hear my phone vibrating. It's 3:45 am. It's L. She goes off about everyone giving her shit. She's pissed, I'm half asleep. And then she says "I know you said something because you're being all quiet now. I know you. I don't want to talk to about this." CLICK.

Whaaaa? So, of course, I call her back and she goes off. I finally say "LISTEN TO ME! I was half asleep ok. I'm awake now and don't accuse me of something I didn't do. I'm not judging you. I don't think it was the wisest thing to do (be with the ex) but I probably would have done the same thing. It's not like you're getting back together with him. So relax."

Sunday
Things finally get worked out and I pass the funk out. I'm awakened by my nephew at 8 am. "Wakey Wakey!" Ugh, you've got to be kidding. My sister comes in to say they're going to breakfast if I want to go but they're leaving NOW. Uh, no...and get the hell out! SO, around 9:30 L calls and wants to go to breakfast. Well, ok, now I'm hungry. We all get up and go grunge to breakfast. I notice the puke on the side and inside the door frame of my car. We sat around and watched movies and ate all day.

What I ended up w/after this weekend:
2 hangovers
puke on my car
M's wallet
MM's phone
lost birth control pills (?)
$5

Interesting and crazy and ridiculous all rolled into a neat little ball.