Talk about an April Fool

Damn this time change thing, really has me all screwed up today. Everything is off.

Well, Friday night was nuts. I went to this party/bbq at a friend's house and we ended up drinking way too much. I was drinkin' some beers, the beers just happened to be Dos X that my friend bought. So, I said that I'd go to the store to get him more since I was drinking his. Well, of course everyone has orders when anyone mentions they're going to the store so I ask for a volunteer to accompany me. That was my first mistake. Meet Shorty. He's a late 30s-early 40s guy who just happens to be an uncle of one of my friends. Now, Shorty is on his second marriage and his wife doesn't even live here. Hmm...strange no? So anyway, Shorty happens to be at my friend's house because...well I guess because he's known all these guys so long that he's kinda like family. Shorty volunteers to go to the store with me. It goes a little somethin' like this.

En route to the store:
Shorty: Oh man, I'm already wasted. I should have driven so I wouldn't get car sick. (WTF??)
Me: just shake my head, can't dignify with a response.

Arrive at store which also contains a McDonald's (remember, party included BBQ)
Me: We need to get some Dos X, Bud Light, Heineken, and 3 packs of cigarettes.
Him: Ok, well I'm gonna go get a sandwich at Mickey D's really quick.
Me: Sure, I'll just carry 2 twelve packs and a six pack, no problem (as he's already at the counter ordering food).

Then I realize they have no Dos X at this store. Crap. Because that's what my friend drinks. So, I decide I'll just go to the store across the street and see if they have it. In the meantime, I get the other beer and go to the counter. I pay for everything. Then I tell Shorty they have no Dos X and we need to go across the street.

Him: Nah, fuck that. Just tell him they didn't have it. Screw him, he'll drink what he gets.
Me: Well, I'm driving, I drank that beer and I'm going to check and see if they have it across the street. Relax.

We get in the car and go across the street. I tell him to stay in the damn car and eat his sandwich. I go inside, still no Dos X. I call my friend and tell him they don't have it and he says that's ok, to get Corona. By this time, Shorty has come into the store mouthing off again. We both grab a 6 pack and take it to the counter. He asks the cashier if they have cough drops.

Cashier: Yes, they're right next to her, then to me he says Can I see your ID?
Me: Sure, here you go.
Cashier: to Shorty Can I see your ID?

Now, I don't know if this is how it is everywhere, but if you touch the alcohol, they have to card you. Bottom line.

Shorty: What do you need my ID for? For Halls?!
Cashier: No sir, I just need to see your ID. I wouldn't ask you for it if I didn't need to see it.
Shorty: Well, you don't really look too bright. I figured you were just stupid.

I've never been so appalled and embarrassed. I felt so bad for the cashier and I apologize to him as Shorty hands him his ID. There's a guy (younger, about early 20s) standing behind us at this point.

Guy behind us: Hey man, give him a break. He's just doing his job.
Shorty: Was fuckin' talking to you man??
Guy behind us: No, but I'm fuckin' talking to you now.
Shorty: This is none of your business loser.
GBU: I made it my business now. I can understand how you'd be upset when he carded you though. I mean, you're what, 50? You've got gray hair and you're like 4 feet tall?
(Now I'm laughing because that shit was funny.)
Shorty: Fuck you man, I'll meet you outside!
Me: Uh, no, there'll be no meeting outside tonight thanks. I just want to get back and enjoy the rest of my night.

So, we go outside and I'm getting in the car. I turn around and Shorty is just standing there in front of the car.

Me: Get your ass over here and get in the fuckin' car. I'm serious.

He gets in the car and I'm shaking my head.

Him: You're pissed at me now huh?
Me: You just an ass...I don't care though. As long as it doesn't affect me anymore.
Him: I'm sorry, I guess I do have a Napoleon complex. I just get mad easily, especially if I've been drinking.
Me: Good for you. Sounds like a personal problem to me. Just make sure that next time I'm not there for you to embarrass.
Him: Don't tell anyone I acted like that ok?
Me: Ok, whatever yeah right.

We get back to the party and of course the first thing I do is seek out my 3 best friends and tell em the whole story. I'm sure he knew because later he starts to tell the story to other people. Of course, he's telling it all wrong and making himself not look bad. By the end of the night everyone knew the full story and Shorty felt like a moron. I don't know if he thought that little escapade bonded us or what, but he kept trying to hang out w/me the rest of the night. I finally had to say "Get away from. Damn, aren't you married?!" I think that did it. What a freak.